Just began the process of divorcing my wife of 4 years for having a sexual relationship with someone I’ve been friends with for over 20 years. With the marriage goes my sense of financial security, a cohesive circle of close friends, a stable place to live, an adorable pup, and pretty much the entirety of my life plans for the next five years. I’m living paycheck to paycheck, and only barely so.
But I’ve learned to rely on myself and my resolve a lot more, and the relationship I’ve begun to forge with my inner-self is something I wouldn’t trade away for anything. And I’ve become a lot closer with the friends I’ve retained, or it feels like I have.
I hope you’ve divorced that shitty friend of yours, too.
I’m sorry for both/all of your losses.
Except for the dog. That dog is yours. And your rock to start rebuilding.
Trying to care for my partner with PTSD, she’s alcoholic and actively suicidal. Doctor is trying to help but mental health support has a huge waiting list (months and years). Her son, living with us, is retarded, rude, disrespectful, incompetent, and complains constantly about not being able to get a job so he can move out. (I’m not sure that he’s even employable). My ex wife kicked out my son because he and my youngest are arguing all the time and she (ex wife) can’t cope. He started moving in here but doesn’t get along with my partner so he ran away from home (he’s an adult). Now we have a room full of his stuff but don’t know where he is or whether he’s coming back.
I’m still getting over cancer treatment and l I’m so tired.
I’m fine, how are you?
Jeezus. Dude. I mean. Dude. Err. Do you have some place to vent occasionally?
Same problem as most everyone else really, one month away from homelessness.
Modern civilisation is ending and likely cannot be stopped.
Suggestions on a postcard pls.
I moderated r/collapse for about a year. I’ve been aware since 2012 what is coming and it’s only this last year that it’s like a switch was flipped. This summer is going to be brutal and it will only get worse.
I can’t talk about this with my wife, as she is unable to cope with the data and shuts down. None of my friends want to talk about the problems we face and call me a downer. I’ve come to the realization that every day that I’m not baking alive, dying of thirst/hunger, or being killed for my meat is a good day that I should cherish.
Pretty much same. Around 2012 it really became apparent that nothing was going to be done in time and I personally flipped from “Science/tech will save us!” to pessimist. At this point it’s just realism.
The way the world handled Covid was the final nail in the coffin for me when the majority of humanity demonstrated that they can’t/won’t behave as a collective to save lives if it inconveniences them. It was the perfect test run for what is to come and most made it abundantly clear they can’t cope with any kind of disruption to their capitalistic routine.
Now the data is beginning to show in the graphs the news is slowly seeping into mainstream circles. But at this it’s way too late and nothing short of ditching the idea of growth and uniting/mobilising the entire world against the issue will solve it.
Luckily my partner is fully aware too so we’re just making what we can of the time we have left. My friends and family on the other hand are busy having kids and whilst appear to listen, obviously don’t grasp the gravity of the situation.
So long, and thanks for all the fish
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear
Sometimes I think you know, being mildly chronically ill with no real social attachments isn’t that bad.
hopefully its the end of the beginning, more than the beginning of the end.
This graph suggests the latter.
Not to mention the rising tensions around the globe reminiscent of the 1930s.
LostHad to put my dog down on Wednesday.My divorce finalizes on Monday.
It’s mostly the dog thing tho
Right? I once told an ex “not going to miss you, going to miss the dog though”. I was correct.
But then again, your dog had you until the end, so his world was probably pretty okay. You likely did your job well, giving him a life with you in it and he didn’t have to go through the pain of getting used to anything else. This is the contract we have with those shortlived, trusting creatures. In a stupid metaphor, we’re some sort of elves to them, but the price for our seemingly immortal lifetime is, that we are the ones that have to endure so many goodbyes. They accompany you through the years, you accompany them to the end. It’s fair and our lives are richer for it.
In my area there are local lost dog Facebook pages. Good luck! Divorce sucks, but sometimes marriage is worse. Your home should be your calm, safe space.
Yea, I mean ‘lost’, not misplaced lol
Oh man. I’m so sorry.
You gave me a good chuckle. Thank you.
gestures vaguely
everything’s fine personally, but it makes me sad and bitter that i see a world where the light keeps getting dimmer. when i was younger, i believed in a bright future. hell, i believed in a bright future up until 2015 or so.
i don’t see young people making good memories any more. i don’t see love any more.
what can you do about it? make sure there are consequences for the people who are making it go dark.
For starters, I’m 20 hours late for this post. It’s the two year anniversary of my mother dying of cancer. My brother died of cancer in August. My wife almost died this month. I can’t sleep. I have too much anxiety. I don’t have any face to face friends and I feel too burned out for anyone to want to be my friend.
Lost ones anniversaries are rough. I like to imagine those I’ve lost over time would rather cheer me up than have me remember them through sadness. Still, easier said than done.
(The silver lining about the slower content on lemmy compared to reddit is you can be hours late and still be part of the discussion instead of casting your bottle at sea if you miss the 15 minute window.)
I’m sorry for your losses but remember life is for the living. Live your life as best you can. That’s why they call it the present.
Money and money
I mean isn’t it always?
Lucky bastards
My mom was diagnosed with Ekbom Syndrom. She’s been forced into early retirement because of it, but she doesn’t have retirement, she’s pulled out from it too many times.
I’m terrified I won’t be able to support us both. I make only 62k, and I’m still paying off student loans from 20 years ago.
I wish I had other family to help me with the costs, but there’s no one. I do have a brother, but he doesn’t work and has spent the last 20 years living with my mom and playing video games. She was supporting them both. And don’t think he’s helping to care for her either.
I’ve talked her into moving states so that she’s near me and I can help her more with stuff, so we’re selling her very dilapidated house this summer. Because my brother destroys thing and she doesn’t have the funds for upkeep, I don’t think she’ll be getting much from the sale.
My mom has been telling my brother she’s going to buy him a house and I had to be the one to sit him down and tell him he’ll be lucky to get a trailer, because she doesn’t have any money. Once we sell her current house, that’s it. She’ll have that to buy something of her own, and if there’s something leftover and I can’t talk her out of it, maybe he’ll get something for 50k.
I look at other friends with ailing parents and see the help they have from their siblings or family members, and I writhe with jealousy. Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she’s crazy.
Parent care is incredibly difficult… the exhaustion, always feeling like you’re failing, … I followed a couple of Reddit subs while we were caring for our moms and that was a nice outlet to vent without judgement. Try to take time for yourself, even if it’s just a walk outside to let your brain relax.
Can I ask which subs you followed? It would be nice to speak to others who understand. I still use reddit on my desktop.
I followed r/dementia and i think either r/caregivers or r/caregiversupport.
Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she’s crazy.
While I don’t mean this as a diagnosis, the last person I knew who did that was later diagnosed with schizophrenia. Although getting mental health care can be a challenge in itself, let alone for someone who doesn’t want to.
Luckily I don’t think that’s the route her mind is going. The ekboms was brought on by extreme work stress, and she’s already showing some signs of healing after being pulled from work. But it’s certainly crossed my mind.
Why would your brother possibly get money yet bear no financial responsibility to help?
Because my mom is an enabler, and she bears a lot of guilt over who she chose as our father and how he treated my brother. My brother and I both had a lot of emotional issues, and where I chose to get help and fix my issues, he hasn’t.
Even if my brother agreed to help financially, he couldn’t. He hasn’t had a job in over a decade. Granted, he’s going to have to get a job once mom moves, but he’ll probably never earn more than barely keeping himself afloat. My mom says she just wants to make sure he has a place to live the rest of his life.
As for my mom, well, she’s an adult, and other than her ekbom diagnosis, she’s of sound mind. She makes her own choices, and I can only give my input. Can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to.
Thanks for the explanation. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this.
Something I learned from the “other site” personal finance sub: You are not responsible for your mother’s debt, do not make any payments directly for any of her debt, or else that’s enough in some states for debtors to then go after you.There’s other tips and tricks to keep your finances separate from your mother’s, don’t feel bad looking after yours as the primary priority. Remember: A caregiver that’s completely exhausted (either physically/mentally/financially) can’t take care of anybody, so remember to take care of yourself first. I hope things get better for the both of us, I’m in a similar boat.
That’s the neat part, you can’t. Unless you can fix healthcare, housing/transportation, money etc (even if you could, it wouldn’t be the same as if those were never problems in the first place). That or the old escapist dream of “get me out of here” but I also don’t ever see that happening for a lot of reasons. So again, no.
Even trying to broaden the definition of help… things are probably too personal, too difficult/specific, and maybe even inconsequential. Like the type of thing there just isn’t an answer for.
For some reason I find it absolutely hilarious that some idiots have downvoted this.
“Please keep your existential dread to yourself as we only really want to hear problems that can be fixed with a pithy Lemmy comment.”
Sorry bro, not much consolation but I feel you.
I would say the point of my comment was more on despair than dread.
And anyone who downvoted probably didn’t get that I was speaking from my own life, as addressed in another reply. Guess that’s my fault for trying to make it not about me.
Though either way I can’t actually see the downvotes. None of them are federated to Kbin and on the Lemmy side the score seems identical now and no vote tracking to show negatives (unless that’s only if you have an account).
Helping a person doesn’t require systemic change. Ultimately yes, to end the major problems people face will require that change to occur, but helping an individual isn’t that hard. Sometimes people are just in a bind and could use advice or $50. Don’t call that inconsequential. If you get so in the weeds on systemic change that you fail to see how to help an individual in need, then you lost the thread.
Too much depression and anxiety to work, not enough to get approved for disability. And bureaucracy is an anxiety trigger. Fun, innit?
I started jumping through those hoops, but then I got cancer and it’s really easy to get disability with it. Life pro tip lol.
Terrible lonelyness…
36 years old man, have been overweight almost all my life, balding, have only a few friends, lives alone.
I matured in my mid twenties, that is when I started being interested in finding a partner, unfortunately, I worked alternating 12h day/night shifts on an irregular schedule at the time, and my life was just work/eat/rest/sleep, I had no real time abd energy to meet new people.
After four and half years of that, I got a normal job, but felt completely lost in where to even start finding people, and still am now seven years later.
I work in IT, and am good at talking to people normally, but as soon as the talk get’s more personal I don’t really know how to keep going and be interesting, I also have trouble asking the right questions in the right way so I have a tendancy to seem self centered, but I am working on it.
The reason I can be this open about my issues here is that it helps me reflect on myself and analyze what I need to work on, and that I am writing behind a mask of annonymity.
Also, while I am very lonely, I know how to deal with it through distractions and shifting focus from the feelings, I know it isn’t healthy, but I am a master of repressing feelings, sometimes I do let them out and give myself a good solid cry about the situation.
In the end, my life isn’t terrible in general, I do stuff all the time, I own my own apartment, small car, good camera, decent computer and I realize i could be far worse off.
Sorry if im focused on the wrong thing here but balding can be easily remedied by taking the step of shaving your head.
It was frightening for me at first but it really boosted my self esteem when i finally did it.
Maybe “fixing” one small issue can give you energy to focus on something positive?
Yeah, I realized that a year or so ago, and while I don’t shave my head, I do go for the 6mm buzz cut special every time
The only way I found to meet new people as an adult is through hobbies.
Working in tech, for me, ideally that’s something that doesn’t involve solving puzzles and that has an actual physical element.
I’ve gone through painting, Board game, Ceramics, Yoga, paintball, volunteering at the pet rescue, trampoline, walking/hiking group and other things I forgot.
You already kinda share an interest with whoever is there so it’s not as artificial as some other things.
Doesn’t mean everyone will be your friend, but even a hobby-specific once-a-week buddy can be a nice change.
Some of those people stick around, most don’t.
I don’t mean this as advice, just my experience these last few years.Yeah, I do enjoy photgraphy, and have thougjt about joining a photography club or something, once I am done dealing with my current work situation, I will look into it further
- I have no friends or family.
- I’m only avoiding suicide cos I’ve failed for 20yrs so proving I’m shit at it.
- My last attempt resulted in a nightmare hospital stay where I got barely any fucking care.
- I’m on probation for a crime I don’t remember committing while psychotic on meth.
- Unemployed
- Polydrug addiction cos life is so shit but I have to remain sober.
Who the hell downvoted you and why?
Where to start? 😅
Short version: been sick in various forms for the last 4 years with leg infections, epididymitis, covid and awful fatigue. Finally got an answer this past week of low testosterone. GP is unhelpful - won’t refer me to endocrinology or urology because things will just go back to normal if I lose weight.
Long version? Eh, on request. Typing on my phone is awful.
How can random folk on the Internet help? I’ve no idea! Is anyone knows how to brow beat the NHS GP service into actually caring about their patients is love to know the secrets.
I am sorry you are experiencing this, it is so frustrating! Obligatory “I am not in the US” but what I ended up doing was to list my mom’s address as if I was still living there so I could access a different clinic with different doctors since the one I was stuck with gave me similar advice as yours. Not perfect but it kind of helped.
Ah sadly due to the above happening I’ve been living at home with my folks so we’re all registered at the same surgery. Good idea though!
