I (M32) and D (F28) have known eachother for about 3 years now and have been dating for the majority of that time in a casual sort of matter. She was someone’s fiance prior to us starting a relationship so they’ve had things between the two that they still share between the two like a pet dog.
I’ve been aware of this and have for the most part let her do her thing, I have no idea what that situation is like and didn’t want to be in the way of it assuming it’d become less of a thing over time. I told her that I did not want to be caught in the middle of anything.
Being passive about it for so long has proven to an issue for me, contact between them hasn’t really decreased, nor has our casual dating developed into anything more than that, despite me wanting something more.
Towards Christmas, D wasn’t driving her own car, driving the other persons car. I got a handful of non-answers about why, or why their own family didn’t help him if he needed a car to drive. His car was not broken, they just…switched cars for multiple days.
I had eventually had a conversation about these things D after explaining that he still visits her apartment to talk from time to time. I expressed that this sort of arrangement with him seems to be more than just splitting things still. She mostly conceded and agreed it might be too much.
Which brings me to most recently… I was assisting D with a computer problem over a remote session. Troubleshooting a problem and doing it from her PC so she could see what I’m looking at. We ended up clicking on a reddit link. She made a semi-paniced comment about how she was still signed in. My curiosity got the better of me, and I looked at her username afterwards.
On her username I saw a post from a month ago (about the time I talked to her about them splitting things after these years) which referred to him as her husband.
I know for a fact they aren’t married, so I’m concerned on why she would type out her post this way, and has damaged my trust.
I know I’m likely in the wrong for looking in the first place, I did that to myself, but I can’t help but feel a bit justified in doing so because of what I found.
I’ve not mentioned this to her at this moment. She has since deleted the original post.
Aita? Any advice?
It’s not nice to snoop but it sounds like you have given her plenty of trust and she has only given you reason to be suspicious/jealous, so I don’t think you’re at fault - it’s also on Reddit publicly, not the same as reading her DMs. It doesn’t make it fine, but I think it makes it somewhat less intrusive.
That being said, if you’ve been dating for almost 3 years and it’s not progressing despite you wanting it to and talking to her about it, I’d say it probably doesn’t matter if you slipped up or she did as it seems like things are dead in the water.
My advice would be to try to move on and find someone who wants to progress things with you, rather than their ex.
I wouldn’t call reading public comments for a Reddit account “snooping.” Now, whether you believe OP’s story of how he “accidentally” found her username, that’s another story…