why can’t someone just have the fucking social skills to go hey no offense but I don’t really feel like talking to you right now? Or cutting out to use the bathroom on their own? Or saying before we go any further have you accepted our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into your heart? Would cut right to the point and I bet the person would immediately decide the best option for them is go to try their luck elsewhere before other people get a whiff of rejection on them. what are they gonna do without your friend, randomly punch you in the face in front of a crowd of people and bouncers?
^ what are they gonna do, randomly punch you in the face in front of a crowd of people?
They might do. They might also:
wait until closing time and then follow you home, sparking a months long campaign of stalking and harassment
spike your drink and steer you away from safety when they get a chance
Amongst other things.
“I bet the person would walk away willingly”
A reasonable person would, but the danger here is that the prevalence of unreasonable people who would respond poorly to being rejected is high enough that it is necessary for women to build systems like this to keep each other safe. You’re right, that this system is to compensate for a lack of social skills, but it’s compensating on behalf of petulant men who refuse to take no for an answer.
If this sounds absurd to you, congratulations, you’re probably a reasonable person who would respond rationally to being rejected, but most women I know have had bad experiences like this. If your instinct is that this sounds like an unreasonable amount of effort to go to to avoid confrontation, consider what level of conflict has led to the formation of these practices - they don’t just come from nowhere
I understand what you’re saying. But how does introducing another person into the mix prevent some creepo from doing any of this if they were going to otherwise? The difference to my understanding of what you said is making up an excuse yourself, vs signaling someone else walk up and make up an excuse on your behalf. This isn’t rhetorical, please help me understand.
Rejection isn’t all the same. if you point at them and announce loudly you’re creepy to me and heckle, that’s def going to provoke a bad response. But perhaps you’re right that I’m unaware of how bad people can be because if someone says hey I’m not really here for this right now, or even says before we go any further, have you given your life and soul to Jesus Christ?, I find it hard to imagine any rational person wouldn’t determine the best path forward for them is to immediately cut their losses and go talk to someone else. Causing a scene or behaving like a creep just ruins your chances with someone else.
A drunk person not taking the obvious non verbal hints could easily get out of hand if put in such a confrontational situation where it would be hard for them to save face.
If you’re talking to that much of a socially inept drunk asshole, wouldn’t they be the type to probably confront you and your excuse providing friend also? What’s the difference from just making up your own excuse to walk away and go to the bathroom?
I’m not trying to shoot this down, but any normal person can say hey I’m dealing with something and not interested in this conversation right now without being an asshole about it. It’s really socially manipulative to not do so and sort of sociopathic if you don’t know how to tell a person youre not looking to be bothered without a whole team of first responders.
Now if they’re clearly over the top drunk, then yes get the bouncers involved.
If you think this is reality i dont think your old enough
To go the places where the very normal logic you described is clearly not reality.
Most people around you are chill and sensible but
Some are absolutely not and very dangerous, depending where you live dangerous people can be a daily occurrence, even on your way to work.
why can’t someone just have the fucking social skills to go hey no offense but I don’t really feel like talking to you right now? Or cutting out to use the bathroom on their own? Or saying before we go any further have you accepted our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into your heart? Would cut right to the point and I bet the person would immediately decide the best option for them is go to try their luck elsewhere before other people get a whiff of rejection on them. what are they gonna do without your friend, randomly punch you in the face in front of a crowd of people and bouncers?
^ what are they gonna do, randomly punch you in the face in front of a crowd of people?
They might do. They might also:
A reasonable person would, but the danger here is that the prevalence of unreasonable people who would respond poorly to being rejected is high enough that it is necessary for women to build systems like this to keep each other safe. You’re right, that this system is to compensate for a lack of social skills, but it’s compensating on behalf of petulant men who refuse to take no for an answer.
If this sounds absurd to you, congratulations, you’re probably a reasonable person who would respond rationally to being rejected, but most women I know have had bad experiences like this. If your instinct is that this sounds like an unreasonable amount of effort to go to to avoid confrontation, consider what level of conflict has led to the formation of these practices - they don’t just come from nowhere
I understand what you’re saying. But how does introducing another person into the mix prevent some creepo from doing any of this if they were going to otherwise? The difference to my understanding of what you said is making up an excuse yourself, vs signaling someone else walk up and make up an excuse on your behalf. This isn’t rhetorical, please help me understand.
Rejection isn’t all the same. if you point at them and announce loudly you’re creepy to me and heckle, that’s def going to provoke a bad response. But perhaps you’re right that I’m unaware of how bad people can be because if someone says hey I’m not really here for this right now, or even says before we go any further, have you given your life and soul to Jesus Christ?, I find it hard to imagine any rational person wouldn’t determine the best path forward for them is to immediately cut their losses and go talk to someone else. Causing a scene or behaving like a creep just ruins your chances with someone else.
You sound exactly like 👌.
I see what you did there
https://www.handspeak.com/word/a/ass/asshole-f.mp4
A drunk person not taking the obvious non verbal hints could easily get out of hand if put in such a confrontational situation where it would be hard for them to save face.
If you’re talking to that much of a socially inept drunk asshole, wouldn’t they be the type to probably confront you and your excuse providing friend also? What’s the difference from just making up your own excuse to walk away and go to the bathroom?
I’m not trying to shoot this down, but any normal person can say hey I’m dealing with something and not interested in this conversation right now without being an asshole about it. It’s really socially manipulative to not do so and sort of sociopathic if you don’t know how to tell a person youre not looking to be bothered without a whole team of first responders.
Now if they’re clearly over the top drunk, then yes get the bouncers involved.
If you think this is reality i dont think your old enough To go the places where the very normal logic you described is clearly not reality.
Most people around you are chill and sensible but Some are absolutely not and very dangerous, depending where you live dangerous people can be a daily occurrence, even on your way to work.