- cross-posted to:
- nonpolitical_memes@lemmy.ml
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My trick for dealing with “blushing bladder” is a Palovian response on myself. I realized I had certain pee triggers. Long story short, there are certain places and situations that cause me to need to urinate. So I figured why not use a word as a trigger? While at home I began saying the trigger word just as I felt the flow begin. Every time I pee, I say the word. My blushing bladder went away. Some of the music venues i frequent have urinals literally elbow to elbow so it’s awkward but there’s no trouble when I say the trigger word. The only problem now is people look at me weird when I’m looking at my dick saying “shazam”.
I do the same type of thing, but I just swish saliva around in my mouth. For some reason that gets my mind off it and next thing I know, I’m peeing.
Gomer, is that you?
Surprise, surprise, surprise!
I just push really hard and force the pee out like a fucking man.
Hey now that gives me an idea… SHAZAM! SHAZAM! SHAZAM!
You gotta get up close and say it to his dick.
I read on reddit one time—years and years ago—that doing simple multiplication can help occupy the part of your brain keeping you from pissing. A sequence like 2x2=4, 4x4=16, 16x16=256…etc.
I’ve been doing that ever since, and it really helps. Usually by the time I get to doing 16x16 in my head, I’m already peeing.
Count the number of tiles in front of you, solve some math problems in your head, think about what to do next saturda- shit, some guy just moved next to me. Is he looking? Maybe I should pull out my phone and check lemmy. …but then people will think I’m recording them piss, and the fact that I’m still not pissing will further justify their suspicions. Maybe I should just pretend to have a small coughing fit and that’s why I can’t pee. But then people will start looking, and maybe even worry I’ll spray them accidentally. Oh the guy finished peeing. I’ll just wait until he leaves the room then. Oh another guy just entered. Well, he doesn’t know anything so I’ll just pretend I finished peeing and hold it in for the rest of the day.
Look at the tiles and imagine the grout lines are an infinite grid of 1 ohm resistors. I wonder what the resistance is between two points a knight’s move apart…dammit I’ve been standing here for hours again
This guy ohm’s
I always look at the smallest distinct shape at the wall in front of me (spots mostly do the trick) and start imagine shapes in it, like looking at the clouds. The world around me then just zoom out and everything turns liquid. Don’t even need drugs 😄 Though a couple of beers help immensly
The only solution that realiably has worked for years for me is to ignore the standing pee spots and just go the the pooper cabin and pee there. Done. Works every time. Sometimes it gets weird waiting for one to open when the standing pee spot is available but the alternative is worse.
Well. This comic certainly isn’t making it easier.
Why are you reading comics at the urinal while you’re trying to pee?
It helps me relax. Usually.
HEY @jerkface@lemmy.ca IS JUST HOLDING HIS WEENER
And a phone.
Actually, that’s a totally different jerkface.
I went with autocomplete in Voyager on iOS and didn’t think anything of it at the time. Sorry for the false accusation, I doubt you are just holding your weener
It’s a statistical likelihood.
jokes on you guys I’m reading this while peeing on a regular toilet where I can relax
To be fair, a bar I go to has a picture box that has a bunch of comics pinned in it over the toilet that you can read while urinating.
I used to go visit a friend of mine often because we’ve always been close. This was all before the pandemic.
They kept a really clean immaculate house. Even the bathroom looked like it was cleaned almost on a hourly basis. They kept a little basket next to the toilet with trivia books and comics. I read them for years while sitting on the toilet … until I realized one day that these things get splashed with pee water every day … for years! … I never thought of it until several years had passed.
This cartoon can’t exist. Urinal etiquette requires:
That you should have one empty urinal between you and the next guy if at all possible. And always go to the nearest open urinal when you enter.
And that you look straight ahead and never look to either side of you. You must stare solely at the wall straight ahead of you. Thoughtful establishments hang pictures or current sales flyers at eye level to look at while peeing.
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there. So there is absolutely no way this cartoon can happen in the real world.
if at all possible
I hate that I’m arguing the reality of a comic world, but we can’t see the rest of the wall. We don’t know if there’s 2/3 urinals total, making it impossible to leave a buffer urinal between them.
Also, without considering it a “rule” I leave an empty urinal between as well, but I don’t go as far as resorting to using a stall if I only have to pee. That’s just silly…
A silly comic often leads to a silly discussion. Sometimes you just need to run with it. Or in the words-- Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.
In fact we do know that there’s someone else in the room - otherwise who is the old man talking to?
You’re kidding yourself. The norm in American bars is to have two urinals whose porcelain touches, and everyone pees with their buddy while having a boisterous chat.
Or it’s a country bar and you have to pee in a common trough.
Ah, the ol’ honky tonk urinal that is just a rain gutter hung at an angle with a hose dribbling into the high side.
I do not miss small towns.
The Joe in Detroit still had those. I made sure to use it one last time during the last Red Wings game I went to there. Fun fact, they sold them before demolishing the Joe. I see one went for $55. Man, I could have had a piece of history in my basement.
They are so close. It’s actually better to put your arm around the guy next to you to make sure you’re good and centered to the urinal.
You must spend a fair amount of time in bars to be so wise. Bars and even restaurants have limited floor space so they can often have just one urinal and you wait your turn. And I have never had anyone even try to talk to me in a bar or restaurant restroom. Why would they? We are there to drink and eat, not discuss philosophy.
People have often tried to strike up conversations in bathrooms when I was clubbing. In their defence, I did look like a drug dealer at the time.
Well that will draw a lot of attention for sure.
You have not peed in enough bars, friend. Once the conversational juices get flowing, people sometimes follow you in to the toilet to keep the conversation going.
Truthfully, I have very seldom hung out in fancy clubs or bars. The places I have hung out in, if you followed someone into the restroom just to talk to them, you would have gotten the shit beat out of you and barred from ever coming back.
Because everyone everywhere always follows etiquette without fail?
In the men’s bathroom, violating any of these rules of etiquette brings the death penalty.
death peenalty
I cover big public board meetings as part of my job, and when I go on breaks, I tend to use the bathroom, because I am a person. Without fail, someone will come in and talk to me while I’m pissing. I don’t personally care, I was in the Marines for a bit and they beat all of that out of you (i.e., a room with eight toilets and that’s it, no walls, nothing, just eight toilets, four on each wall so you can face each other). Regardless though, I never walk in and talk to someone randomly, so it’s strange to me that others do it to me. I guess I just look like a nice guy.
Jes it is an instinct, written into the Male DNA…
Dem’s the rules…Follow them or become the outcast.
And always go to the nearest open urinal when you enter.
I usually go to the one closest to the wall. It seems comfier
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there.
I’m not stopping the chat with my bro just because I have a dick in my hand I’m pissing. I have shit to say
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there.
I’m not stopping the chat with my bro just because I have a dick in my hand I’m pissing. I have shit to say
I’d also like to say that some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard have been uttered by a random at a urinal.
I agree with all of this except the “always go to the nearest urinal.” I don’t think it matters which you go to as long as you follow the pattern that allows for the maximum number of urinals to be filled while leaving a one-urinal gap between you and the next person.
Let me explain:
🚽 = urinal, 🚹 = person peeing
You have the following setup:
🚽 | 🚽 | 🚽
Correct urinal to occupy:
🚹 | 🚽 | 🚽 OR 🚽 | 🚽 | 🚹
Incorrect:
🚽 | 🚹 | 🚽
Notice how the correct solution allows for a second urinal to be occupied while still maintaining the courtesy urinal between. The incorrect solution doesn’t.
There are plenty of dudes at the bars and ballgames who try to sneak a peak
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You are either a republican or a pervy pervert.
./
Might be both
I sometimes think that maybe as a society we’d be better off relaxing nudity taboos or something.
I dunno even pets like dogs have to make eye contact with their owner while shitting to feel comfortable and they know nothing of our puritanical ways.
Most dogs view their humans as pack alphas, and in nature they feel vulnerable to attack while they’re shitting. So they look to the alpha to see that they’re safe. They don’t so much want you to watch them as to look beyond and behind them so they can see your reaction if something starts approaching.
I upvoted, but mine’s a sighthound and she don’t care…
For me its the pressure of someone waiting to use it after me, especially when its a lot of people like a packed pub or break time at a show/live music/event etc.
The amount of times if have pretended to have finished, gone washed my hands a walk out only to wait 10mins to go try again…Only sometimes?
Totally agree. Or maybe there could be a little fig leaf dispenser by the urinals so all the shy guys can hide their junk from god whilst they micturate.
it’s not that it’s just that public toilets are an uneasy place and therefore it’s hard to relax, especially when standing up at a urinal instead of sitting down on a regular toilet
You usually sit down at urinals?
no, on a regular toilet of course
I lived in a house once that had a urinal and it was the best thing ever, especially for the first pee of the day. Normalize home urinals!
All houses have at least one urinal. The cool thing is, you’re also able to wash your hands in it afterwards!
Yeah no, other people use that thing to put their hands, toiletries and so on
It was a joke
Still, disgusting
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scottishman walk into a bar and immediately begin urinating into their foam seats.
“What are you doing!?” exclaims the barman.
The Irishman zips up and replies, “it is my Celtic birthright to mark my territory from foreign invaders.”
The Englishman zips up and replies, “it was like that when I got here”.
The Scottishman carries on peeing and replies, “what does it look like I’m doing you daft cunt?”
Duh
Use a urinal while wearing shorts and you’ll change your opinion. I avoid them as much as I can preferring to sit, but sometimes that option is worse than the urinal…
Well, it doesn’t work so well with morning wood, but at all other times I aim toward the bottom so the pee’s hitting the back wall at less than about a 30° angle. I guess compared to sitting there’s gonna be more splash back, but even with shorts I don’t really notice anything. I’m sure it’d be different if you power blast the wall or base at 90°.
Maybe it depends on the urinal? In the US I have seen urinals that basically reach from the floor to your waist, which I imagine involves some splashing. Here in Europe I’ve only seen the ones that are way smaller, around waist height.
Those aren’t so common due to cost. But those have the advantage of allowing someone who is tall and someone who is short to be able to comfortably pee.
I just pee outside.
Urinals should definitely exist because they speed things up a ton. If you’re too shy to piss into a urinal just go to the shitter instead. But don’t dare try to take the speed and convenience away from the rest of us, goddammit!
Where else is my uncle going to tell me what should have happened at state if he got first string?
There are also flushness urinals which use zero fresh water, just a floating, replenishable barrier fluid. I want one at home.
Most I see these days are the flushless ones of one sort or other. Some of them have a bit of a smell but doesn’t bother me since what do you expect, it’s an urinal
Is this comment ironic?
I’ll be honest — I think they should exist. The piss shy phase is short and universal… but we all get over it.
No I’m serious about liking urinals
Okay. It had a lot of upvotes so I thought it was ironic as there is a movement in my city to stealth eradicate urinals. Every remodel now replaces urinals with stalls… some leave one stall so there isn’t backlash.
I’ve seen it happen too. Some consider stalls nicer and more accommodating (not just to shy pee’ers) and that’s fine. I just dislike how it makes the wait a lot longer.
But could be worse, they could’ve made them gender neutral. Now that makes the wait long hah.
Oh… I’ll confess: a feminine looking person avoids the three open urinals to my right an uncomfortably be-lines to the stalls and suddenly I can’t pee at all. Yeah… good times.
THANK YOU!
Do you think that you need to pull your pants all the way down and sit to use a toilet to pee, if not what are you doing in the stall that wastes a ton more time? It’s not much slower from my experience just do it the way you would a urinal, with the only difference being that you have a door and real walls.
The speed comes from space efficiency. Instead of one stall you can have three urinals (idk the conversion rate, but you get the point)
You can fit more urinals in the same place as stalls…
When buffalo wild wings put small TVs infront of every urinal I think pee times must have increased, haha. I agree urinals speed things along through.
The movie ‘Waiting’ has a character whose entire arc is them trying to get over urinal anxiety while working one crazy shift at an Applebee’s clone.
Early Ryan Reynolds. Some of the humor hasn’t aged well, but it shines a light on the service industry for those that haven’t worked in a kitchen/bar/restaurant.
I remember a movie called Caffeine from when I was a kid and one of the characters had a nervous bladder. One of his friends kept telling him it might be prostate cancer (while he was trying to pee) and it only made him more frustrated and nervous.
Later in the movie, someone is being mean to him and he just snaps and lies saying, “You know what? I’ve got cancer! So back off!”
An enlarged prostate is something that will happen to most men who live long enough. Prostate cancer is not. It’s very probable that difficulty peeing is a result of non-cancerous prostate enlargement.
I mean sometimes this happens to me too if I apply too much pressure to my perineum (such as when sitting on a hard surface). It gives me the sensation of needing to pee without actually needing to pee. So it can happen even if your prostate is normal.
I got bad news, @Psythik…
Wait…i should probably see a doctor, reading all this.
I don’t want to, i’m too busy trying to get other shit in order.
I don’t want to, i’m too busy trying to get other shit in order.
As much as I can relate, there are some things I wish I’d checked even if everything else wasn’t in order.
It may not be that bad! You may just have an opioid addiction that can leave certain muscles unresponsive, making urination take an absurdly long time. #kratomlife
But still, get checked. Everyone needs to feel that cold figure eventually. Better safe than cancer. My family are like lab rats and two men that lived saintly lives compared to me died of cancer of the Everything out of the blue. Having reached middle age, I’m afraid I’m built like that too.
Prostate check is usually a blood test now. They apparently can just check for antigen levels.
“Waiting” is the most authentic movie about working in a restaurant as a waiter there ever was.
It’s so true.
You do know it’s not a requirement to use the urinal, they also have private pee booths as well.
Us normal pissers also listen to the booths when we suspect a weener-holder.
That’s why I act like I’m pooping. I’ll sit down and make grunt noises while aiming my piss at the side of the bowl so no one hears I’m actually peeing. Because that’s less embarrassing than knowing you all think I’m too afraid to piss in front of you. I even pull toilet paper out and wipe it on my thigh so all you actual Weiner holders believe I’m wiping my ass. Who’s the fool now? Not only was I too afraid to pee in front of you, I convinced you I was taking a manly shit while you probably nodded in approval at the other Weiner holders next to you. Check mate.
Oldest trick in the book. But you haven’t thought about the smell!
Thats why you allways carry some older poop with you
I detest you holders with my entire being, but you sir, I respect you as an adversary.
That’s why you should never properly clean the asshole and carry a shit mark on the trousers.
That’s why randomly drop change into the bowl to make people think I’m doing a twozy.
Yeah if you want to wait a lot longer
Nothing comes free
That’s where they get ya
Just don’t shake it more than twice while its in your hand and the police needn’t be involved
No matter how many times you shake it, the last drop will still end in your pants
Tust du schütteln oder stoßen - der letzte Tropfen geht in’d Hosen. Ancient German proverb.
Press up on your taint. Helps much!
Are you not into taints!?
No not in to your taint, on your taint.
Why is this post full of people who are seemingly overtly defensive over the idea of urinals? Did I miss something? The comic is a joke. Every other poster here trying to make sure everyone knows they can and will always use a urinal. An ode of fragile masculinity.
Did I miss something?
Sounds like you missed the toilet OOOOOHHHHH
I’m here trying to understand what’s wrong with urinals lmao
They’re just bad. The pro is that they take up less space so more people can pee in parallel vs toilets.
The con is that using one without splashing piss all over everything is a skill check.
The BigO of urinal is basically “piss on a wall”
Let’s be honest. Standing and peeing anywhere is a skill check that only about half of us pass reliably.
I’d much rather my co workers miss the urinal than miss the bowl. Those animals don’t always lift the seat before they piss all over it.
The pro is that they take up less space so more people can pee in parallel vs toilets.
That’s a really big pro in a lot of cases. Big enough that it make urinals great imo
This reply makes me feel defensive and outraged.
It has nothing to do with fragile masculinity, and everything to do with the dysfunctional personalities of Lemmy users.
No disagreeing with the title or you have fragile masculinity!
If you don’t like urinals, don’t use them. If you say something shouldn’t exist when many people prefer to use it over the other options, expect pushback, even if it’s in a humorous context.
The comic feels like a joke here but the title feels like there’s some serious sentiment behind it, even if it doesn’t have any real intent to actually ban urinals.
Well I stand facing AWAY from the urinal and pee over my shoulder!
“I personally don’t have a problem with urinals, I don’t think they should be removed”
“FRAGILE MASCULINITY”
lol
I don’t understand why they don’t just install partitions. One that goes from the very bottom to the very top. A thin plank would do it. Not these 50cm pseudo partitions. That’s why I prefer to use a cabin when a lot of people are peeing.
Come to our uni. Each toilets at our faculty have the first cabin be a urinal for some reason. Real nice if you a re a shy pisser.
Snowflake. Need more urinal troughs and communal showers.
The first time I took a communal shower was one of the most socially awkward moments of my life. Feeling like, “Oh god, they’re staring at me.” But they actually were staring at me because I was the only white person there. Got over it quickly, though.
no, not partitions. Urinal booths. I want to be isolated from other men when I have my dick out.
The only evidence of the “grand gay conspiracy” people keep talking about is the existence of bath-tub (multi-user) urinals.
I haven’t seen one of those since I was a kid when my redneck racist homophobic dad would drag us to the dirt track to watch other drunk rednecks race each other in their first track cars… Hang on…
Yea nah, that is not a sexy situation.
It’s very sexual. All that pee in the trough where you can dip your bread. It’s very elegant, very European https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soupeur
I would have thought trough over tub… but i guess that depends entirely on the type of multi-user you’re going for…
More of a communal trough man myself
I haven’t seen one since the early '80’s, but yeah.
I saw one in a Shanghai department store once. I’m a woman. It ran through all of the stalls. It’s the third most awkward pee I have ever taken.
Third? 👀
It’s a tough call which of the other two is the first most awkward. It’s either the time I used the filthiest fucking bathroom you have ever seen in some restaurant in New York’s Chinatown (I was desperate!) or the first time I used a hole-in-the-floor style toilet. I was so sure I was going to piss all over my pants, and also fall down (I didn’t!).
Edit: Oh wait, there was also the time I needed to pee at like two or three in the morning when I was camping in the middle of a snowstorm. It was so windy, the boulder I tried to hide behind did nothing.
I never thought about how many awkward pees I’ve had in my life. It’s kind of a lot.
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Legend has it that alpha males stand in front of each other when they pee, looking straight into each other’s eyes and sometimes arm wrestling with their free hand.
That’s pretty thoughtful to put drink dispensers next to portapotty’s.
I’ve pissed into these at student events. Everyone was just chatting while pissing and having a good time, it was weird but also pretty great. It also made things really fast for men, women lined up up to 20 minutes.
I need both hands to control my alpha male fire hose. The girth of my manly urethra is enough to fit an average penis. I can empty my bladder in 3 seconds, but it is an intense 3 seconds. You’ll be damned sure I’m staring you straight in the eye from across our opposed urinals as I do. And I expect a small kiss, out of respect, before I leave.
I’ve definitely stood next to guys who pee in about 3 seconds, sounding like a gosh darned race horse, while I’m stuck there for 3 minutes. Gosh darn it!
