So about 2 years ago, I moved away. Broken spirit broken person, over 3000 miles. However, yesterday I landed for my first visit back here. And I just feel weird. Like I’m not supposed to be here or something, it’s very ominous. I constantly feel anxious.
The weirdest thing was seeing how my parents have started to age. And the woods where I used to hang out are all housing developments now. I’m currently sleeping on a mattress in my old room, aka the office now, surrounded by random shelving and printers and stuff. it’s really a weird feeling in here too.
I don’t know what I expected but I definitely don’t feel like I’m “home”. It’s like some weird alternate dimension version of home. There’s still some people I’m yet to see and I wonder how that’s gonna go. So far everything already feels uncomfortably different. Alongside that, the rose tint has also come off and I have a lot of bad memories going through my head too instead of any sort of nostalgia. Almost like the different person I was back then is still lurking here somewhere watching me.
Anyone familiar with such a feeling, after being away for so long?
Thomas Wolfe wrote “You can’t go home again.” I remember going back to my parents house after moving out and I couldn’t believe how small everything looked - them included. And when I go back to the wonderful area that I grew up in - which was fairly rural at the time - there was nothing there but fields, streams, and mountain views and now it’s all developed into condos and apartments, no wild areas left at all, and lots of highway.
SIGH. The world I once knew is gone. I had a pretty idyllic childhood so i can’t complain, at least I had it once. But yeah it’s so different to go back and realize nothing is the way it was or the way you thought it was going to be.