I want to talk about this because this has been a very major issue for me. I’ve suffered through various kinds of internalized bigotry for a very long time. I’ve had immense internalized racism due to the fact that I’m black alongside internalized anti-neurodivergent sentiment and internalized queer/transphobia.

It’s like every time I feel like I might be able to get rid of these ideas, they keep coming back. Unfortunately, these thoughts run very intensely too. My internalized bigotry is not mild at all, and it usually manifests in ways like being scared and/or uncomfortable around black people, feeling disgusted by trans people when I see them, and insulting neurodivergent people usually through snarky comments I make under my breath.

I even get really frustrated when I see stuff that supports people like me. Seeing “Black Lives Matter” posts on social media drives me mad, alongside things like “Trans Rights Are Human Rights” that just makes me cry. It makes me FURIOUS, and I really want to overcome this kind of thinking, especially for being trans.

I’d argue that my internalized transphobia is the strongest and harshest out of all my forms of internalized bigotry. It started from my family being extremely transphobic to the point of disowning me and kicking me out, but it exacerbated and reached its peak due to the transmedicalist tendencies within the trans communities I’ve visited online. I am non-binary, and even though I have gender dysphoria and am medically transitioning, I have been discriminated against by so many damn truscum that my mindset started expressing violent animosity towards trans people period. This eventually shifted my mind to believing that this is MOST (or maybe even all) of the trans community, and it makes me irrationally angry at anything that’s pro-trans.

This issue has been going on for so damn long, and it’s causing way too much turmoil, depression, and utter distress for me to no longer do anything about it and just leave it untouched. With that in mind, how do I ACTUALLY shift my mindset to not hate myself and other people over these characteristics? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    2·
    9 months ago

    I’m so sorry to hear how much you’re struggling with this. I wish I had all the answers, but I don’t, this is something I’m still struggling with too.

    I do have two small things, the first is to try to forgive yourself for having these internalised issues. I know this is hard, so goddamn hard, but it’s important to be able to look inward and see yourself as someone deserving of compassion. You are human, and it’s a very human thing to struggle, to get frustrated even to be full of self hatred. Every single person deals with all of these, but you have something to be proud of, you want to change. To be able to look at yourself and want change, to try to change takes a lot of courage. Self forgiveness is as much a learned skill as anything else, so experiment and see if something works. In all honesty I’m not sure how I do it anymore, it’s almost become a reflex. I think I just try to imagine someone else in my position, trying to have compassion for their struggles.

    For me, overcoming internalised transphobia has been a very slow process. It’s mostly been about slowly sorting through my feelings and thoughts and realising that these aren’t really mine, they’re someone else’s. We are social creatures, and our internal view of ourselves is as much constructed by our own beliefs as it is the beliefs of those around us.

    Something that has helped me with this, is exposing myself to other people’s experiences and thoughts. This has largely been through YouTube, and even reading posts on communities like this one. I found the part of the world that accepts and even celebrates this part of me, and it started to replace those old beliefs with new ones. You can take this kind of thing slowly, and it’s okay to have setbacks. If I could recommend just one video, it would be this one: https://youtu.be/AITRzvm0Xtg?si=NKQD1tM1clIUvtWp

    I’m afraid my experience only runs as far as internalised transphobia, but at least on this one issue I want you to know: I understand how you feel.

    • Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      2·
      9 months ago

      Something that I might add if it helps, internalizing other people’s views is in some way a survival instinct.

      If you feel like you’re still struggling for survival, then that might be making it harder. It might be that you need to change your situation in life, maybe cut out toxic people or move somewhere that’s socially safer. I cut out the worst person in my life and sought out the support of good people, and it made it possible for me to finally accept myself.

      I can’t pretend to know anything about your situation, but it might be useful to consider. I also appreciate that this often just isn’t possible.

    • Angel Jamie@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPአማርኛ
      2·
      9 months ago

      On the subject of Abigail Thorn, watching queer BreadTubers has helped me quite a bit in these moments. I think the isolated feeling that comes with me not branching out enough exacerbates my self-hatred. Unfortunately, it’s kind of circular at that point because it’s led to this cycle:

      1. I don’t want to meet other trans people because I have internalized transphobia.
      2. I have internalized transphobia because I’m not meeting other trans people.

      I think breaking free from that cycle may be a good place to start.

      • Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        2·
        9 months ago

        You know what, I can immediately see in the way you talk about this that you’ve started making good progress. That’s some really good self insight, and that’s something to be damn proud of.

        For what it’s worth, I think you’ve already started breaking that cycle just by starting this thread.