This is why therapy exists.
For rich people or born lucky health plan countries?
Always love this. “Go to therapy!” Gonna pay for it? “…no”
Well back to suppressing my emotions again. There is no emotion, there is only peace…
Watch out, Jedi code didn’t work too well for Anakin
Can relate.
Oh well as long as I don’t run into sand I’m good.
I suspect the lava did more work than the sand, but oh well.
Same when Republicans say “it’s not guns, it’s mental health.” Okay, you going to support universal mental healthcare then? “Shut up, commie.”
And the most important: there are four lights.
maybe apply for asylum in a better country I guess
What do you want people to say? Should we stop telling people to get broken bones set because they can’t afford it?
For that goto ER, get shit fixed and lol never pay the bill what they gonna do, Rebreak it? 🤣 Destroy my credit‽ HAHAHAAHHHAHAHH
Yeah, pretty much. It’s just better not to put that emotional weight on people, if you can.
There’s a lot more therapy services coming out, though! I wouldn’t argue it’s easily accessible, but it’s getting there.
Is your user name a drug that chills you out before you die horribly?
Lmao. Bars just make me fall asleep. I was going for a palindrome similar to my irl nick-name, but I fucked it up.
kinda great that America is no longer the place to be born lucky in
never was color depending unless you go back maaaany centuries.
Unless you were a cishet white dude, America has never been the place to be born lucky in
Be born rich, and all other identity categories cease to matter.
I’m that and no still wasn’t even in the mid 80s. Add “ballin’ as fuck at birth” to that criteria and were onto something.
Your therapist is not your friend, and using therapy only as a place to vent is a waste of their time and your money.
Why? They’re there to talk. Are you thinking of a psychiatrist?
Both therapists and a psychiatrists offer mental health care, therapists aren’t just people to vent at (even if that is usually part of their job). Psychiatrists are medical doctors that can prescribe medication, however.
Exactly, this is what I mean. Yea.
This opinion is definitely not your friend.
Well, therapists can help a lot more than just venting! And if you vent you’ll probably run into some feelings a therapist can help you untangle. You’re right, better to try it than not.
It’s sad how many men don’t have friends outside of family and dates.
If that’s you, please get friends. If you don’t know how, find a hobby where you’re likely to interact with other people, and interact with them. Even if it’s just smalltalk, that’s a start.
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No, the solution is to find a hobby you can enjoy with other people in order to find opportunities to make friends.
If I am forcing myself to do it, it’s not a hobby. I already have hobbies that I want to do and they take over all of my free time. All of them are best done at home and alone.
If your goal is to make friends and your current way isn’t working, you will have to force yourself to change. There just isn’t any other way.
Friends don’t fall from the sky. You have to put in time and effort in any type of human relationship. That is just how things are.
He didn’t say his goal was to make friends. I’m the same way, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been putting my efforts into myself instead of other people.
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I don’t know anyone who is too well put together to require company and support
How could you know that? Do you ask every acquaintance about their emotional support?
talking things through with others can be the most important thing you can do for your own happiness.
I’ve actually found that process to be frustrating more than anything. Distraction and exercise are far more effective coping methods for me. Venting just gets me worked up all over again.
Okay, maybe try striking up conversations during slow times at work? It doesn’t have to be a hobby, that’s just one of the better ways in many cases.
This year, I moved to a new city, got a high-paying job, and have been engaging in hobbies such as writing, karaoke, and I’m trying to learn dnd. No local friends yet, but I’ll keep at it.
Last year and before, I had a low-paying job that kept me constantly stressed. I went home, played video games with people online, and otherwise wasted my time. My only irl friends were people I worked with and people I knew from high school. I think the advice about hobbies is good. But fighting through depression to a place where you can spend time socializing isn’t always as easy as “get hobbies,” especially when you’re poor.
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Yes, the advice is neurotypical because that’s how I am, so sorry if it doesn’t apply to you completely. I’m no expert on everything, so if you have additional requirements to social interaction, you’ll have to consult with somebody who knows instead of me.
That said, surely the following are true regardless:
- You can’t make friends with people you don’t interact with.
- Meeting people in the same hobby as you means you automatically have some common ground.
- It’s easier to make friends with someone you have common ground with.
.
Also, I’ve never met a person who’s unlikable to everyone. Don’t sell yourself short.
One issue I am running into is I am an amateur when it comes to a lot of my hobbies. I feel like if I were to join up with someone else or a group I’d be slowing them down.
I can only speak for myself and my experiences, but generally people are interested in sharing their hobbies and helping people love what they want.
There are, of course, exceptions, such as private ttrpg sessions that might just happen to be in a public place. Even then, a polite request to sit in and listen might be accepted.
Even if someone isn’t interested in helping induct an amateur, they can likely point you to people or resources to get started and build skills.
Communication is everything. Just be honest about yourself and what you’re looking for and you’ll probably find where you need to be. Don’t get discouraged with a bad encounter, it’s probably not about you.
Try finding a group that’s at your level. There are other amateurs out there. It worked out for me. I kept mentioning my hobby (and lack of a friendly group to share it with) to people in appropriate circumstances and in the end my coworker/friend helped me infiltrate a group that’s at just the right level of amateurness for me. It’s possible!
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I’ve always associated that with being a city thing, because I’ve lived in cities and suburbs, and I’ve never been a woman.
In cities, most people won’t even say “good morning” back, but in the suburbs, you can strike up a whole conversation with someone just because you’re walking in the same direction.
Yeah. Moved to a village a few years back, I had people marching straight up to my construction site and ask me where I was from and how I came to move and build a house here. And then offering me help sometimes when I could obviously use some kind of work equipment I didn’t have or how they would do this or that.
It felt highly weird to me as a dude from the city, but by now I’m a volunteer firefighter here and sometimes, when me and the boys are returning from a middle of the night call and we’re sitting in the cabin of our truck and joking around I feel so at home like I’ve never felt before.
I agree. I live on the very rural Oregon Coast, and everyone here is overly friendly. It’s actually kind of exhausting at this point lol. Way different from when I lived in the city. I need to find a good middle ground.
A good middleground between urban and rural is probably suburban. Or just wear visible headphones when you’re not in the mood, perhaps?
Suburban is a horrid mutant thing with none of the best of either rural or city.
We would have been much better off if our cities were built to hold people like in Europe
This is such a weird take to me, because I’ve always seen suburban as the natural default. A lot of things are in 10-30 minute walking distance, and the houses aren’t stacked on top of each other.
Yeah lemme go to the friend store and pick up a couple lol
Oh damn, fresh outta 35-45 age bracket, as they all have kids and full time jobs that don’t match with my days off. Bummer.
Why do they have to be in the same age range? I’m a college student, and the most recent major friend I’ve made is a retired senior citizen.
“Hey man, we were thinking of going camping later, but first playing some Mariokart and doing shots. You coming?”
“…oh sure, you can count me in!”
Friends don’t have to be in the same age range, but generally you have more in common with people your own age because you’ve all had similar experiences in terms of going through the same history and pop culture. I’m in my mid-40s. If I’m in an antique store or flea market with a 20-year-old and I point out an Atari 2600 Missile Command cartridge, they likely won’t know what it is. If I show it to people my age, it brings up memories and suddenly we can talk about how we used to play our Ataris.
Well, preferences really not so much a hard requirement. If it’s online gaming any age is fine.
Yeah my best friend is 20 years older than me. It worked out because we basically have the exact same interests or at least close enough we can talk about things we like and have an engaging conversation.
The other risk is that you catch them in the middle of their boring health phase, and you have to pretend to be interested in running or cycling.
Running and cycling are still cool though.
K so what if you have a crazy busy job and no free time because family. What then. Working hard to keep the family afloat has to be number one - then it’s sleep and victuals and stuff.
Then that’s a serious problem all on its own.
If this is real, there are some things I can suggest, but I can’t guarantee a solution because this is an absurd situation. You might try looking into government aid programs, looking for a better paying job with fewer hours, or if you’re not a single parent with young kids only, asking someone else in the family to pull some weight too. And if you can’t get out of the no-free-time situation, try making friends with coworkers.
If this isn’t real, then why is that your response to general advice? Seems kinda like if someone recommends walking for exercise and you say “What if I’m paralyzed from the waist down?”
Snarky trolling isn’t my usual MO. It’s real. Thanks for the comment. I have online ‘friends’… or at least, human contact. Does that count.
As someone who’s been in both boats, it counts, but I wouldn’t rely on it forever. Having friends in person is way more… human, I guess?
Probably better if you have regular voice/video chats. Haven’t been in that middleground.
I used to have a good friend but he shot himself a few years ago. It takes a long time for me to make proper friends. Lemmy is actually pretty chill. It’s been nice just chatting with people here. Less toxic than another place I won’t mention.
I’m really sorry for the loss of your friend. :(
I really hope that wonderful people find their way into your life, and you can find meaningful connections with kindred spirits. <3
Thanks internet stranger. Likewise for you.
looking for a better paying job with fewer hours
Doesn’t exist.
I know right. As if we all aren’t looking for that all the time…
It’s difficult to get friends when you’re a dude. There’s the never ending suspicion you get from your wife.
Sure, it’s crazy behavior, but as a man, you can’t really argue it, since society is generally on the side of women being suspicious (and dare I say it, insecure). Eventually it gets cleared up when she checks your phone, calls your friends, follows along during your guy nights, etc.
But the fact that it happens at all is just exhausting and generally guys don’t wanna deal with that.
The fact that it happens at all, is some rom-com higschooler mentality that I refuse to put up with. There have been a fuckton of women that tried that bullshit with me. If you’re going to play highschool games, you don’t deserve a man. You deserve a little boy, as you’re clearly a little girl/boy/other sexuality, but you still are in highschool and don’t have the ability to fulfill an actual adult in your relationship. I’ve had far too many try to date me.
If you want a relationship that is based in reality, I’m down. I’ve yet to meet a woman that actually wants a relationship based in reality. Kinda sucks for me since I don’t like guys. Especially since I’ve been hit on by multiple guys that would have been great for me, if they’d been women.
There’s the never ending suspicion you get from your wife.
That’s not normal and healthy. I don’t have that issue with my wife, and I’m not aware of any friends that do either. I mean if my friends and I had a habit of going to strip clubs or something… yeah, that’s going to make the misses insecure. But if you don’t have a history of behavior that has earned her suspicion, I’d be looking at couple’s therapy to get past that.
I have been in a relationship with someone like that. It was miserable not being trusted and having arguments about her baseless suspicions. In my case I eventually realized she was projecting.
I’ve changed/expanded social circles a few times during the last years and suspicions (of what even ?) from my long term partner were never part of that. Does not sound entirely healthy for a relationship the way you describe it.
You really do want to gather a good group of friends in your youth, it gets more difficult in adulthood
I’m part of three different groups since late teens, but since working full time I have only made maybe 3 new friends (not counting comings and goings from the groups)
It’s nice being in a beer brewing friend group, the beer just gets better and better as budgets improve
After being with a good woman, I’d tell your woman to get therapy or get a new man. Good, healthy women do not do this shit. It’s one thing to ask your husband where they’re going and when they expect to return, it’s another to check his phone, call his friends, stalk him… that’s unhealthy as fuck. Goes both ways to, leave your wife’s shit alone. If you can’t trust each other, what’s the point?
My wife doesn’t do this, so it’s all good. But I have friends who need to deal with this. I am not gonna tell them how to live their life.
But that’s not the point I was trying to make. I was trying to say that society is much more accepting of women doing this than men. Somehow this is kind of “acceptable” for women to be this controlling, especially in my society.
My wife has never been suspicious of me having friends. She wishes I had friends. All of my friends live at least a 70-minute drive away. I’ve lived in this town for over 10 years and I’ve never made any friends. I’m kind of introverted, which doesn’t help, but no one is interested in getting to know me.
It always reminds me of the comment my mother made when my father used to go away for work.
I know he’s not having an affair because that would be too much like hard work.
Also: You can do the hobbies online if you do not want to keep it IRL. My longest standing friend I met over at an online forum like 13 or so years ago. I also met a few people I still hang with every now and then via minecraft servers.
I’m not really into object oriented, though.
How did it take me a whole 4 hours to get this? I’m a programmer too!
I don’t think I will… Who needs friends when you have vim?
Friends will leave you, but you’ll never leave vim.
Vim is love, vim is life, vim … is everything.
But making friends means going out. Then there’s even more going out to interact with said friends. Screw that.
I have plenty of friends, I just don’t like any of them.
Or just go volunteer somewhere. Lots of great friendships are born out of time spent on a shared task, even if not glamorous or “fun”.
Plus the whole 'will I fit in" doesn’t really exist at the homeless soup kitchen, because they are happy for anyone. You are welcome to be there.
Yes! Excellent suggestion.
People always say this, and then suggest trash like Pickleball and board games. I already have hobbies, they just happen at home.
I have friends, I just don’t like talking about myself to other people.
So you don’t have close friends
That’s common enough, many people have no need or desire to open up to others, a few of my favourite people are like that, though I’m not
That’s sad
Sounds like knowing your own boundaries
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Know my boundaries, or suffer them
Most of my friends are people I know IRL. But we only get time to interact online. So we play video games for an hour or so. In that hour or two we don’t really talk about our lives. We don’t talk about the shitty things or the good things. We just play the game and have fun.
So far, it has worked for me.
That was how things were for me too. In the end we never talked about anything going on in our lives. We grew more and more distant as we grew older and found we knew less and less about each other. It doesn’t last forever. Share your lives and the games. Otherwise in the end you will just have the games.
I think this is pretty common for us. Having fun >> Talking about life and problems
It’s always nice to just focus on enjoying the hobby you have with your friends. Nice username btw
Lmfao wtf is this tweet , absolutely unbelievable
It’s a joke
She sounds abusive, isolating her boyfriend from outsiders to that degree.
she’s a comedian in LA and she does a lot of shtick about her bf, who either doesn’t care or maybe even doesn’t exist.
Why is it her fault?
Yea if all of this is assumed true, having a partner with no friends is problematic and helping them find friends is a reallt good idea for the health of your relationship.
… Unless its on purpose, as isolation is abusive and aids abusive behavior.
If I don’t have any friends why is that my girlfriend’s responsibility?
Well because not having friends to vent to threatens the health of your relationship.
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