For me, it used to be my career. Without going into detail, it was a public service type occupation where I could really help people. However, I was battling depression, anxiety, and addiction, and after being hospitalized and jailed multiple times, I lost that career. Even while I was going through all that dark stuff, I felt great at my job helping people, and I feel like I was good at it.

Now, I have a different career that I still feel good about doing, but I can never shake the feeling that I’ll somehow mess this one up too, eventually. My doctor told me I have to be active, so I took up longboarding. I still have bad depression with frequent bouts of suicidal thoughts, but when I’m on a bicycle or longboard, that’s the only time I feel really at peace with myself. I wish I could feel like that all the time.

Do you have things you do that make you feel like that? Like you’re really free?

  • SenorBolsa@beehaw.orgEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Karting, it’s a very zen experience for me, which might sound a little weird if you aren’t used to flying around a former department store at 40mph and coming within inches of barriers. But to set a fast lap requires absolute focus and control and a complete lack of fear . There’s magic in running lap after lap searching for an advantage and improving your smoothness while walking a tightrope of control with absolute confidence. I just wish it wasn’t so expensive still much cheaper than real cars.

    I’ve never been at peace walking around a park, or sitting on a beach or anything like that. I’m 100% in my element on track though. I need to focus my mind onto something to let things go. Maybe that’s something I need to work on.

    RC racing is the much more chill version, you get into the flow of the track and the car and go back to the pits and make some tweaks and go again. It requires the same kind of focus and mental skills but much less bodily stress, be prepared to walk a lot of you are new, or to help flip over cars for kids and other racers.

    Obviously I have a very specific mindset where I need to push myself mentally in this area. Stopping short of the limit of myself and the hardware just won’t do.