I really love being bi and believe I fall under the umbrella but I don’t feel attracted to the same sex enough to be bi.
I still find the same sex hot but it feels like I don’t feel that enough to be bisexual. This just feels strange
bisexual: sexually or romantically attracted to both men and women, or to more than one sex or gender.
Nowhere here does it say you have to have your attraction equally split between genders. You can be attracted to the opposite sex way more often than you are attracted to the same sex and still be bisexual. 95% opposite sex, 5% same sex still qualifies.
My favorite definition is as follows
The capability to experience attraction to more than one gender
I like it for the following reasons:
- No weird requirements around action vs. attraction - people know who they’re attracted to before they’ve had sex
- Allows space for bisexuals who primarily experience attraction towards a very limited group of individuals as well as for people who experience attraction to nearly all individuals
- Eliminates issues with sex/gender essentialism
I feel like some not feeling “bi enough,” in my experience, comes from internalized queerphobia. It’s “Well, I’m close enough to ‘normal,’ in my external behavior, why can’t I just go all the way?It would make things easier for everyone,” etc. If you experience homosexual and heterosexual attraction, you can count as bi as much as anyone else who does. Even if you’re 95/5 and they’re 50/50. Even if, like me, you were straight (not in the closet, sexuality can be fluid over the life course) until your early 30s, if you have experienced homosexual and heterosexual attraction, Welcome to Bi Club. We’re all comrades here.
As the other couple commenter have said, it’s perfectly acceptable to be attracted to one sex more that the other, even if that means you’re more hetero leaning. I’m pan, (used to identify as bi) and a close friend of mine is bi and all throughout highschool we use to joke that I was more straight than gay and he was more gay than straight. Point is, it doesn’t matter how skewed your balance is, you’re still bi if you are attracted to men and women. Don’t hold yourself to some imaginary standard, you are valid just they way you are.
Sexuality is complex. Try not to overthink it. Just enjoy yourself, be safe, and respect your partners.
As you can see, you’re bisexual for the community by the way you describe how you feel. With that said, don’t fell pressured to use a label. If it oppresses you, drop it. They are there to help you understand yourself, not to guide your behavior.
It doesn’t matter how much attraction you have , just some really.
For example my preferences kinda go all over the place. Sometimes I like men more, sometimes I like women more, and sometimes I just go about my days not seeing anyone I find attractive. It’s just kinda the bi experience.
Would I say I have different sexualities during those times? No, not really. It just kinda floats about.
You are you, you’re bi enough.
