Did you watch the video I put in my comment? It explains the different processes involved in sex differentiation.

Your argument has the same issues as many of the others of the same kind, it doesn’t reflect reality. You say there are biological differences, which we can accept, but, when a baby is born or when you see someone, those biological differences are assumed instead of being tested.

What I see is colloquial language and scientific language being equated.

• Society divided sex into A and B, doctors forced and keep forcing everyone into those categories.

• Science divides into A, B, C, D, E…, which are not easily perceived.

• Society, instead of adapting or accepting its limitations, decides to choose a characteristic to be scientific, but they don’t test anything. They are just being prescriptive with their language.

In other words, you can’t tell the gender or sex of someone by just looking at them. One piece of anatomy is not enough, one specific chromosome is not enough, one specific gene is not enough.

It should have been the failures of not using polyamory. And you’re right about amatonormativity being the erasure of aro people, even ace in general I would argue.

That’s on me, I’m sorry. I realized the implications of my words, but failed to choose better ones. I have no problem with your style or tone. As I said, I feel your posts are personal and passionate.

Let’s try again. Context is important. I believe a lot in subjectivity, which can be confusing, others need facts and concrete examples, something I have learned to keep in mind when asked in the past. You tell me the best way to communicate with you.

You said I attacked you and that I want to fix your existence. Those are not facts. I offended you and I might have hurt you, these are facts and I won’t deny them, and I accept my responsibility for what I did.

You see, I suffer from anxiety and depression. After two months in therapy, I feel comfortable to once again engage in the community and take risks. I just wanted to help (which doesn’t excuse my mistakes), but reading this response would make me retreat again weeks ago. I would ask myself of I’m really this bad person you are interpreting me to be and if my contributions have any value, if I shouldn’t just let other people more prepared to deal with it. I was also hurt by what you said.

I’m a sensitive man, but my whole life people have called me robotic, unfeeling, reserved and the like. They didn’t agree with the way I lived my life and thought trying to change me was a kindness. They are wrong. I’ve seen so many people suffer because the world refuses to allow them space that I try to make sure I’m accommodating. I believe everyone should grow in life by learning how to express themselves in their own unique ways.

All this is me trying to reveal myself so I can be better understood. Because I think it’s important. Because I think this community is important. And because I think you are important too. I learned a little bit about you today. I have learned other bits before and imagine I’ll see more in the future. I asked some questions to help me with that as well, but you decide what you want to share.

The first one might involve amatonormativity as well. This and the failures of not using polyamory when all parts are completely in sync really bothers me. I’ll forever be thankful for having Joan and Sherlock from Elementary, even if they are borderline codependent.

Please, don’t feel like we are piling on you. I personally would say you came as a positive disruption, but making sure this is a safe space is a big priority and that means even discussions filled with good intentions have to be careful. You should check tildes for comparison.

Now about forums and chat rooms. Chat rooms never felt really personal to me, but I could never socialize with a lot of people at the same time well. Forums, 20 years ago, were a space I inhabited frequently. Deeper context for me was knowing who I was talking to because I had read their posts and comments in the past. We engaged ideas, but we considered people as well. Of course, not every discussion was the same, with some more abstract than others.

I have been seeing your posts for the past week. They feel very personal, but your approach feels detached, academic. Try being more conversational, asking questions and being interested. For instance: What brought you here? Why do you post? What do you expect to offer and get? Ideas, opinions, experiences? Educate people, get collaboration for your ideas, someone to challenge and strength them?

I truly believe our mods want to be accepting, but their role is also to maintain peace by guiding and reminding we all of our philosophy.

I think this video will be a nice complement:

• Science Proves There are More than Two Human Sexes

Chromossomes, genes and hormones have their roles. It’s never simple.AMAB and AFAB are really only what a doctor decided. I was sure Mia Mulder had a video talking about how sex is a social construct based on this fact, but I can’t find it anymore.

I’m not sure of I understand it correctly. Would pronouns in this case carry the same value as titles do, or terms of endearment? Maybe a mix of both. Titles have the explicit aspect, but terms of endearment inform the kind of relation we have in an informal situation.

The practical use still escapes my imagination. Would you talk more about that?

I understand the sentiment and the urge to clap back at these kind of non comments, but remember to be(e) nice. Specially to yourself. It’s not worth it to spend time and energy dealing with a troll comment.

I was getting my chapters so behind. Got a little spoiled in the comments, but I don’t care. Thank you. Best way to end this day.

My provider, small one from my town, or the attendant just decided to give me the password. After months, I found out how to extract the configurations and used my old router instead.

It’s about being nice, but I see your point. You are entitled to your point of view and opinion.

My comment is all context. The word is not the problem, it’s the way it’s being used.

Try it in terms of double standards. It’s an experiment that has been done. People see a man talking aggressively to a woman and some will intervene. People see a woman talking aggressively to a man and the number that intervenes drops significantly, some will cheer.

Or try it in terms of victims of violence. They see people fighting and they react as if they are in immediate danger. They feel safe with their friends, but their friends suddenly decide to start arguments on the street.

Reading what you wrote, I know you can understand the issue. We are not saying you all are wrong, just that it hurts. Can you understand why it hurts? That’s the only thing that really matters and that I want to discuss right now.

Sorry for hijacking the post, but I don’t think people get why this usage of weird bothers some people. It’s not that we (several kinds of weird we) are not used to be called weird or similar. We grew up and found people who were like us and understood our quirkiness. Weird was the weapon of the bigot and we took that away from them. Until our friends, or community at large, started acting like the people that hurt us in the past. We could deal with the bullies and ignorant using it against us, but this new situation was unexpected.

I don’t like comparing struggles, but I’ll use examples to, maybe, make things clear. Using queer instead of weird would have bothered them the same, although I don’t believe it would have worked the same way, but more people at our side would see the issue. And the next one might be much more personal, but reading “good weird, bad weird” sounds like “good negro, bad negro” to me. You don’t get to judge or qualify me.

Also, even in a discussion that completely accepts and is understanding of people using weird as a weapon to the point of trying to find another word to be used in a positive way, there are comments that invalidate the feelings of those who are affected. If you believe words have power, why can’t you see the collateral damage?

Honestly, I’m trying to endure it until election season ends there in the USA, but I’m starting to feel the need to talk about all the wonderful things I like using the word weird just to counteract the negativity.

I was talking about how we always have this type of discussion frequently with my therapist earlier today. It’s always nice to pause and remind ourselves and those outside of our philosophy. One thing that I’d like to add is we might not be(e) nice sometimes because of personal circumstances. We are having a bad day and a comment will trigger a reaction that would be uncommon or we might be aggressive without provocation.

In cases we feel the need to hit back, I’d advise postponing the response by at least one hour. Give yourself time to clear your mind and think things over. And if you are the target of users having a bad day, reminding them that they are not be(e)ing nice is the alternative. Asking questions is the best. “Did I offend you?”, “Did I say something wrong?”, “I don’t understand what the issue is.” Even if they keep the aggression, they will point to the specific issue that needs to be worked on, or prove they don’t want to discuss genuinely.

I read it. I was familiar with that form of activism, but I don’t agree this is it. I saw all the examples presented as forms of reframing the situations to deflate their original meaning. The author says using weird is non violent, but it’s an attack using a word. The advice is use it because it hurts, not because it makes their ideals less appealing.

edit: Anti-Authoritarian Clowns: A Revolutionary History

I sometimes say to my best friend, among other generally inappropriate things, that something she does is gay, and she does the same to me. It is a private reclamation of the use of the word gay as a slur, but outside any context, to an outside observer, it’s just casual homophobia.

Let me go back to that child. I don’t think they will hear horrible people being called weird and see it as being bad weird. It’s just plain weird. If it’s not being different that’s the issue, but the specific bad behavior, why the focus is on weird? We know words help shape our perception, we fight for those changes. What bothers me is hearing the same harmful words I heard so many times towards me and around me being used by those who seemed to understand how they hurt. I guess it’s similar to the discussion of being okay to attack someone’s looks if they are on the other side.

Sorry, I didn’t want to make a bad faith argument, but I think it’s necessary to clarify the issue.

The exemption will allow bigots from those instances to still have access and the benefit of doubt. People who might have valid reasons to not disclose openly their position will have to create a new account.

If pronouns are a safety measure, there’s a big flaw in making exemptions. Will the users know the people they are talking are not marked because they can’t be.

Just a thought. Maybe make it a required opener or signature.

(he / him / queer)

I decided to give a chance to Super Virus Defense. It was made by the brother in law of my best friend, but it was described as tower defense so it sat ignored for over a year. I play on PC, but it’s very mobile like. I’m addicted. There’s a grind element to buy upgrades, but it’s been so non mindless that it reminded me of how big companies just choose to make you suffer. Specifically, I can grind while completing higher difficulties in previous levels or by playing the endless mode.

Playing it made me want to create a post with all the Brazilian indie games that I really liked over the years.

There’s not much I can do, but I’m here. I read what you wrote and it mattered. I’m writing because I care. You have all the right to express your suffering. You had a hard life and you are still dealing with it. You are in a transitional state, and sometimes being in the middle is the worst place to be.

You know, reading your story, what I saw was a woman moving forward. You have a lot of empathy for your parents, understanding their circumstances and actions, but what they did hurt you nonetheless. So you have to process it so you can keep moving without that weight.

You are depressed. Not a diagnosis, just the way you present your world. You talk as if you’re worthless. You are not. You talk about killing yourself and worry about inconveniencing others. I know personally how it feels to want to end this horrible existence and to despair when nothing you said prevented a best friend from trying herself. It’s so hard and it seems so easy to end all. The thing is, death comes as a solution but it’s rarely what we want.

What do you want? Really. What is it you are moving forward to? Where’s your happy world? How does it look like?

The only advise I can give right now is to try to challenge the lies we tell ourselves. Start small. Every time you make an absolute statement (I have no value, I always annoy everyone), find one single proof it’s not absolutely true. One instance in which you had the smallest of values or that people enjoyed your company. Then find another one. Also, from time to time, look behind and see how far you’ve come. It won’t change how hard you’ll still have to fight, but it will give you perspective.

Seek therapy if possible. Look up how to find a good therapist if you decide to go in that direction. Be more selfish. You deserve that.

I understand the sentiment and would respect the decision, even if I don’t agree, but there are problems of consistency. You say people should make new accounts if necessary to explore their trans identity, but you’ll allow instance wide exemptions.