There was a rather upsetting post recently that attracted a lot of apparently non-LGBT+ people with bad opinions. I’d like to remind everyone that “bee kind” includes not accepting, normalizing, and ignoring transphobic opinions and beliefs. We’re all together in this.
Here are some bad opinions I saw:
- “People need to be educated, and you’re not going to change their minds by becoming hostile.”
The first thing that’s obviously wrong with this is that it makes the people targeted by LGBTphobia appear to the the ones who are “overreacting” or being “hysterical,” but there’s more…
Certainly, education needs to happen, and patience is a virtue. A valid example of reasonable education to expect would be “I go by they/them now.” What education should not need to include on the part of the LGBT+ person is a defense of one’s validity as a human or one’s existence. Most people who think that it should point to examples like Daryl Davis, and I mean … good for him, but that’s not an example we all need to or even can/should follow. For many LGBT+ people, it can feel like a contant battle to live and be accepted. Expecting us to address every bad-faith argument or misguided belief on the part of LGBTphobes is … honestly, that’s just an offensive opinion in and of itself and very dismissive of reality.
- “[Famous person] literally did the bare minimum to support gay people, so I doubt they’re transphobic.”
Okay, first of all, I can only facepalm so hard before it creates a black hole that consumes the fabric of reality, but you said patient education is a thing we should do, so here it is: There are many, many people who claim to be “allies” while only supporting select groups within the LGBT+ spectrum. The reason I put “allies” in quotation marks is that these people are not allies. We are all in this together. You can’t be an ally for me, a cis gay person, without also supporting trans people. These are my siblings, my community too, and we should not tolerate it. Likewise, the LG people I’ve met who don’t support the BT+ don’t belong in this community. Full stop.
So no, supporting the LG is not really possible without supporting the BT+. Sorry, not sorry.
- “They’re from a different time.”
Absolutely one of the worst arguments I’ve ever heard, and I say this as a Gen X-er. No. Just no. There has never been a time in my life that transphobia was acceptable. Perhaps it was sadly normalized in certain times and places, but it has never been okay. If anything, it’s even more important to speak up in those times and places when and where bigotry is seen as “normal.” It’s even more important then to be an ally.
And my 80+ parents are not transphobic in the least. It’s so easy to understand the basics of what it means to be trans that there is not even the shadow of an excuse.
I really don’t think vapid and pointless arguments like those above should be allowed in a space that’s supposed to be a safe and validating community. I understand some of these people may be well-meaning non-LGBT+ people, but it’s exhausting having to address the gish gallop of absolute nonsensical attempts to make transphobia seem okay. It is NOT okay, and we shouldn’t pretend that it is.
I even saw some people arguing that excluding trans people isn’t transphobic. That’s how unhinged some of these people are.
So TERFs and other transphobes stfu challenge 2023.
EDIT:
Thank you to everyone who responded with understanding. I think it had to be said. At first I wasn’t sure it was my place since I’m not trans, but I know how exhausting it can be. They did the same thing to me back in the day. It’s a silencing tactic. “Gish gallop” is the term that comes to mind.
But I’ve had a few ugly trolls in the thread behaving just as described in my post. I will report each and every one of you 💛
I’d like to remind anyone who takes issue with this rant to send your hot takes directly to my attorney where they belong. Thank you for your cooperation.
seizes excuse with all paws and extra-bitey jaws Oh, oh, is it time to talk about “crazy” and “insane” and “dude” and “guy” and “bro?” And apparently we also still have to mention that the r-slur and “ree” are ableist shit too?
…Am seriously fed up with people who seem to know very few words and all of them inappropriate. And yes, treating everyone like a male buddy is inappropriate. And yes, “crazy” still clearly has its association with mental illness. While many people obviously think it means literally anything at any time in any context they also still call people that as a way of suggesting a person’s got mental problems.
I expect I’ll get trolled for this (as always, 'cause people absolutely cannot stand being asked to change or even consider their own behaviour) but I’m sick of how bad this place is about gendered language and slurs in particular, to the point where I assume somecritter I otherwise respect is gonna misgender me and I’ll just immediately delete my account and be done with this place altogether.
Anyway, that’s my lil tiny rant about some of the lack of care I see floating around, which reminds me to point out that it’s not the words that cause problems (outside of straight-up slurs, anyway) but rather how they’re used. Some seem to think there’s some constantly-changing list of banned words but “don’t call me that” means “don’t call me that,” not “you’re going to gaol for not having the latest word list.”
yapyapyap squeek!
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Thank. You.
It’s really irritating to see such language anywhere, but especially in ostensibly progressive spaces. I’m trying to change my language (never used the r-slur, but I’ve used “crazy” so much that … I try not to, really). And I see male-centric language all over the place. It’s unfortunately ubiquitous where I live.
The one that never sits right with me where I live is “guys.” The counter-argument is that it is no longer gendered, but after educating myself more on the nature of casual sexism, I think it’s actually an example of how male is perceived as the default, the norm. I don’t think anyone is deliberately trying to be sexist by using it, but claiming that “guys” is gender neutral really seems to be a male-centric perspective.
I used to have an account on raddle, and I also learned a lot from them about why ableist language is harmful. I’m working on it, but it’s almost like I need a buddy to help call me out when I lapse and say something like “idiot” or “crazy.” And the frustrating thing is, as someone with mental illness, I feel like I should know better.
The one positive thing I took away from living in the south was the gender-neutral “y’all.”
For those who don’t know, “y’all” refers to a small group of people and “all y’all” refers to a larger group of people.
I like to play with words and create colourful, cutesy terms. Probably my favourite for this purpose is “critter” :3 Everycritter, anycritter, you critters, those critters. … Of course if that stops being weird I’ll have to come up with a new one. Hmm. I suppose I must mandate that only the cutest critters use this particular term >:P
Also, it’s nice to see I’m not totally alone in caring about these things. Though some common themes around here (such as the problematic careless word choice issues referenced above) are quite upsetting I at least manage to say some things like this that typically get me attacked. … Though maybe it’s just because I only say them three-plus layers down a comment tree nocritter’s gonna see. 🤷♀