I literally got it from a famous trans author who is an anarchist and makes this stuff with her DIY collective and she offered me hormones and I was like all hemming and hawing on signal and shit but I said yes, why would I not, I have so many indications that I am not cis. It is supposed to be good for 10 months, this vial. But I am scared, I have never injected anything except for my GF’s GLP-1 agonist for her. Also I don’t know if I am a woman! I think I am not a guy, but I would rather be without gender! I want my pretty eyes to be focused on my GF’s as I use a strap on her, my cock has always been pretty useless anyway. I kinda have tits already a little without any hormones, like I might have gynecomastia a little and I kinda love it. I want them to be bigger. But do I talk to a therapist about this shit? I feel like they are just gonna gaslight gatekeep girlboss give me spiro and estradiol pills, when I have the girly juice injectable right here with me. I want to be a butch lesbian, I have always thought of myself as a “male lesbian” liking women in a gay way as well as wanting to top and suck off penis havers too, I am a pan service top for all genders and I want to have titties too. I guess I could just see how my body responds to it. I am still kinda wonderin though. I was allowed to be genderqueer as a child in the 1990s but I was genderqueer as a child in the 1990s and my first friends didn’t understand that I thought I was a boy even though I was wearing a pink cute dress like the other 5 year old girls, and then I was so traumatized by that day that I only remember crying and asking my parents to get me shorts “like the boys” and that magnet kindergarten was the crucible in which shame over myself and my gender and my ability to detect people trying to lie to me and take advantage of me (those pokemon card trades/ethics governing them really stick with a bitch!!) was forged. So yeah IDK if I am a woman but I am not a cruel shitty boring cis white man, I have never been that even though society projected that on me and punished me for not living up to the standards they set. Fuck that. I won’t be a failed, sad man. I should be a happy nonbinary thing. Or a woman. IDK. Not a man though.

    • TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world
      8·
      3 months ago

      You replied to the wrong comment. Fuck the person who said that. DIY is less ideal than having professional guidance, but when the professionals provide such a terrible standard of care, it’s absolutely safer to go DIY for many. The evidence is clear. Gender affirming care is both an impressively effective treatment, and the only effective treatment for disorderly dysphoria.

      My life drastically improved before I started hormones when I simply came out, but having my HRT delayed was a burden that could only be alleviated by getting estrogen. It wore on me greatly, and the cost and headache of DIY were the only thing that made me stick with the broken ass system for over a year. I honestly would have gone DIY if I knew from the start how long it would take.

      It wasn’t about being a valid woman, but not feeling like my entire body was gangrene to my identity. I was a woman without it, but there was no substitute for me.