(please ignore the typographical error lol)
That’s some good shit right there!
Expressive, descriptive, it flows and scans well. I dig it
thank you :) what does it mean for it to scan well? I’m a total noob to poetry, I just figured it would be a good way to get this stuff out of my head so I can try to relax
Scan is short for scansion, the way the rhythm of a poem works. I’m not using the word in the most technical sense, because that would usually mean graphically marking the lines.
But it basically means that the combination of syllables, meter, and stress “work” to make a line, stanza, or poem as a whole “feel” good. Not in the emotional sense but in that the way it plays out when read aloud or in the mind, it flows harmoniously.
Which isn’t even a fully accurate definition by the standards of analysis, but it’s the one that fits my usage of it.
In other words, I read poems in my head as words, lines and stanzas (as appropriate). When the poem is put together in a way that doing so is without irregularity that impedes reading, it scans well.
This isn’t to say that dissonant poetry can’t be wonderful, but it doesn’t scan well.
And poetry is amazing for catharsis like that. The effort of choosing words and building a poem lets the mind grasp the subject and control it. Nothing is much better at giving relaxation from a thorny problem like that.
No bullshit, this is a very good poem. It conveys the emotion and state of being, in a way that allows a reader to feel something. In this case, I believe it successfully communicates what you were feeling, which is something that isn’t very easy to do, even by accident. It’s easier to stir emotion without directly communicating your own feelings, using the words to trigger memories and thoughts from within the reader.
It’s why I love honest, unpolished poetry more than the famous stuff. The more you get into the craft of poetry, the harder it is to be authentic. I can’t at all any more, it’s why I stopped writing poetry.
Anyway, that’s all tangential. I enjoyed your efforts, thank you for sharing :)
Best marriage vowels ever. I’d marry a stranger with that proposal.
OP clearly into Vore.
For anyone who doesn’t know what that is, I’m sorry, no need to Google it, that last paragraph is all you need to be burdened with.
this is about spiritual vore not physical vore
Spiritual vore? Now that’s a kink I can get behind.
In all sincerity it’s a lovely poem OP, it really resonated with me, thank you for posting 😊
thanks, this is my first jab at writing a poem, glad you liked it. honestly I kinda regret producing something so jaded and angry but yknow I wrote it and posted it so it’s kinda a done deal
It’s really good, the main theme I’m getting from it is loneliness and strong urge for companionship which is something a lot of people can relate to. But that’s only how it starts.
It goes from a settling-down mentality, to the speaker ignoring their own needs as a “sacrifice” for the other person, then asking for very big commitments, and finally resulting in that spiritual vore of the other person because of the real one-sided dependency.
The main takeaway I’m getting from it (i.e. the meaning I’m choosing to project so, you know, it’s just an opinion) is that it’s a warning not to force one’s self into relationship out of loneliness.
I really appreciate your analysis! I didn’t have any specific moral-of-the-story in mind when writing this, but I can definitely see how you could take it as a warning. I wrote this groggy as shit with the nightmare still in my head so your interpretation is as good as mine haha. Maybe it is a warning from my subconscious or something like that. I am constantly having these nightmares about loneliness, co-dependence, sacrifice, etc and I thought writing about it would help me process it. Time will tell
Definitely writing it down helps with processing thoughts. I’ve been writing down any ideas in my head (99% of which are crap which is expected) so I’m not constantly thinking about them.
It exorcises the demons.
BTW - thanks. vore is an effing awesome keyword in AI contexts. It is a niche word with a monstrous amount of momentum attached, but broad scope of malleability in text and imagery.
Very enjoyable. Keep it flowing.
This reminds me of something…
(Wake me up) Wake me up inside. (I can’t wake up) Wake me up inside. (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark. (Wake me up) Bid my blood to run. (I can’t wake up) Before I come undone. (Save me) Save me from the nothing I’ve become…
I’m saying: well done here.
![[OC] angry nonsense written upon waking from a nightmare](https://lemmy.kya.moe/imgproxy?src=i.imgur.com%2fCnPuwqZ.png){kind=link}