“Here, lick my knife.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Still no. Who puts a knife in their mouth? If you’re trying to poison me, maybe you should put poison on the rim of a stein and offer me some ale.”

“I’m the worst assassin ever…”

I don’t know what accent you intended to communicate, but I definitely heard it in my head

That’s one of my favorite episodes. I felt so understood. I started taking pictures of animals’ butts when I mistimed a pic of a hippo swimming by. I was so amused that it was unlike any other photo you’d normally see of a hippo, but you knew it was a hippo. So I expanded to other animals.

After one trip, I mentioned to my family that I got photos of over 14 animals’ butts and my sister said “great, you can make a calendar now.” And so it all began.

90% of my search history is animal anuses.

While I’m totally joking, I for realsies create calendars filled with pictures of animal’s butts that I take at the zoo

Sounds like someone’s looking for a boyfriend who will pull his hair

Vs the usual octopus in anus or octopus anus insertion?

They’re hypocrites if they sue. Can’t get upset when a fascist doesn’t follow the rules.

Yes, you can enter an octopus’ mouth, wriggle around through its digestive tract, and exit their anus. And when you’re done, you can eat the octopus shreds from it popping like a you-filled balloon.

We already have cool cybernetic implants. We also have even cooler corporate greed and a massive lack of right-to-repair laws so that you can get stuck with a deactivated implant!

Why wouldn’t they be? They witnessed it first-hand!

Stomach virus and food poisoning

They could also increase their attractive power by stacking multiple bears. Also, if you line up too many snout-to-snout and butt-to-butt, you have an increasing risk of the line becoming unstable and then cascading into a lumpy disorganized mass of polar bears.

Sounds about Reich

What kind of kit does it come with? I like mine Fully Loaded.

The social services, crime, and street-living is how they can afford all the houses, duh. I wish I could buy more houses, but I’m too rich for food stamps. 😭

80% of my life is wasted effort. 15% is giving up at “good enough.” 5% is me looking back at my choices and and saying “yeah, I guess that was a good idea after all.”

“in contradiction of history” is just a fancy way of saying that he lied. Call him a fucking liar like he is.

Senator Schatz is what I call my hand when I have a clumsy wipe and get poop on it

I have a cast iron griddle that I use once a year at my mom’s house. I leave it in the outdoor grill when I’m done using it and don’t even clean it. The next time I go to use the grill, I take out the cast iron griddle and just leave it out in the elements and it rusts like crazy.

Then, the day I’m ready to use it again, I scour the shit out of it, heat it up to 500-600°, throw some oil on it like a greased up whore, and get the lowest quality seasoning on it.

Then I use it to grill some ears of corn so they don’t turn black from the soot of all the wood I burn to heat the outdoor grill. Once the corn is done cooking, I close off the grill and tell the cast iron griddle to go fuck itself.