I’m not stupid, but I don’t want to be seen as smart. I try to be an innocent uwu smol bean, but I’m not ignorant or naive. I like coming across as nothreatening, not because I want to trick anyone or attack when they least expect, but because I want to avoid conflict. I don’t like making people upset. I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to be seen as a challenger for some social position that I don’t want. I want to be a sweet lil kitten, so I come across as foolish or unintelligent to help support that image. I don’t want to be at the mercy of others, but I don’t want others to be at my mercy either. I just want to be loving and sweet because it feels good to make other people feel better.

It might be a gender conforming thing, but it’s also one of the few things I’ve always known about myself. I haven’t needed to justify being good to others, because I simply enjoy it. Some people have always known they were trans/gay, but I didn’t. Instead, I’ve always known I wanted good for people.

I play healer in team games, I want to support more than lead, but I’m often expected to be in charge when I come across as competent and capable. I become good at things so I’m helpful to my team, but I risk becoming the person in charge if I nerd out too much. Can’t I just be a cute team pet that also contributes without being exploited? I want to be submissive and harmless, but I don’t want to be useless or not contribute, but I don’t want to be taken advantage of and abused. I can’t seem to balance all these things at once 😭