Racism, sexism and all the various other “hate these people” isms and phobias are arguably methods for expressing and rationalizing anger. And they’re bad. But what’s a good way?
Racism, sexism and all the various other “hate these people” isms and phobias are arguably methods for expressing and rationalizing anger. And they’re bad. But what’s a good way?
What works for me :
I remove myself from the situation that caused the anger.
I let myself live the anger for a minute or two, or a bit more if needed.
When the anger is gone, I identify what emotion is the cause of anger. Anger is 99% a reaction to a negative emotion.
I say outloud to myself the reason of my anger. Otherwise, I feel like the anger is pent-up.
If my anger was directed at someone, I apologize and explain why I was angry.
Finally, I reflect on the situation and the emotions I experienced. Sometimes it’s 30 seconds, sometimes it’s a few days, depending on the gravity of the situation. By understanding what caused the negative emotions, I can handle it better in the future.
This is a nice way to look at anger. Kind of similar to something my therapist said a long time ago. #3 specifically is a huge one.
I figured out that my issue was that I wasn’t able to identify the emotions I had.
I worked with my therapist to learn to catch myself when I get angry, then I learned to accept the anger and finally identify the negative emotion.
By doing that, I don’t hold on to that anger most of the time, and when I do, it’s a lot shorter.
And by identifying the underlying emotion, I can live the emotion and then redirect it. Overall, it made a big difference in my life.
I will always be stuck with anger as my first reaction to a negative emotion. But it is a lot healthier now.