I have been living with depression since a teenager and after so many years, I recently finally started receiving psychotherapy (CBT). While I’m already seeing some modest changes in my thinking patterns, my therapist noted that in the last few weeks the severity of the condition is worsening and it might be a good time to talk with my primary care provider about antidepressants as a combination therapy.
This got a reaction out of me, specifically that I don’t like the idea of chemically altering my mental state and losing access to what “I really feel” (as I perceive it).
I know that the logic behind this sentiment is not very solid, but we can’t reason ourselves out of our feelings that easily. For me this is also challenging because I don’t take any recreational substances that affect my mental state, so I can’t tell to myself that it’s like e.g. smoking weed only more targeted and supervised.
I’m curious if this sentiment is familiar to anyone else, and how you dealt with it (whether you decided for or against medication).
Rhetorical: How much enjoyment do you get out of what you feel now? If you try a medication and find that you aren’t getting a benefit from the change, there are a bunch of reasons why that could happen. Your doctor won’t be insulted if it takes a few different trials to see which ones help or if you try it out and realize that it’s not the way forward for you. It’s a chemical tool to give you a little more leverage on what’s bothering you but you’re still the one in charge.
I was worried about this as well for a long time. Something that helped me through those thoughts was finding a medication that worked for me and then (with proper medical advice) discontinuing it for a little while. That “little while” ended up being a few years due to the whole COVID thing and wanting to stay out of hospitals as much as was practical but it allowed me to see what was different with and without the added chemistry at work. I was still the same person with the same thoughts and feelings but better able to manage the distressing parts that come along with all of this “being a human” stuff.
It’s not my business to say that you should do one thing or another but if you decide to have that discussion with your doctor, I’d recommend bringing along a small notepad or some paper and a pen/pencil so you can take notes. There’s a jumble of alphabet soup with stuff like SSRIs, SNRIs and NDRIs (among others) that’s easy to forget once you walk out of the office. You may have limited or no response to one type and a great response to another but I found the process less frustrating when I had a basic understanding of what was going on.
Best of luck to you whichever way you choose to go.
Good tips, thanks! I’ll really have to be careful with understanding everything said for sure, since it will even be happening in my third language.