After the attack, Deobra Redden told a marshal the “judge has it out for me” and “judge is evil,” according to a document from the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department.
TBI, lead exposure, malnutrition… gotta try to be kind.
Interesting we have more sympathy for those who impulsively, say, eat non-food items, versus lash out violently.
Something I don’t know: is there any reason to be more sympathetic to someone who self harms (say cuts themselves) than someone who harms others as a result of mental illness?
We say “died by suicide” instead of “committed suicide” to speak closer to the reality of a situation, to acknowledge how awful it is when pain exceeds resources available for coping with that pain. We necessarily view murder as abhorrent, and I won’t defend murderers at large, but I question if some percentage of those who kill were mentally ill to the point they deserve exactly equal sympathy to others who were just as ill but whose illness manifested without violence.
Something I don’t know: is there any reason to be more sympathetic to someone who self harms (say cuts themselves) than someone who harms others as a result of mental illness?
Speaking solely for myself, yes, absolutely. The harm is horrible either way, but the person punching down on themselves is also paying the full penalty for that violent acting out, both at the time they do it and cumulatively. To me, they deserve a large measure of respect and yes, sympathy, for not outsourcing pain they cannot manage any other way than self-harm to either loved ones or strangers who very likely had nothing to do with the origin of their agony at all.
I will walk a long mile to help someone who is self-harming out of that hole, especially when it is a situation of having too much anger and rage and grief and betrayal to process and the perps who caused it are long gone. Not all, but many of these hurting souls are people of deep principle, who do NOT want to hurt anyone, and would be horrified by the thought of hurting someone else the way they hurt themselves, even doing everything they can to keep it hidden so that no one else has to partake of any portion of that. Again, NOT all. But many. And I have nothing but sincere respect for that. These are also the ones most likely to find the healing they seek if they don’t give up, because the answers and the cure always lie within us and these folks are already inwardly focused, so there’s at least a tiny silver lining to that choice.
But people who outsource their emotions onto others through violence, especially sexual violence, are literally trying to rob their own healing at the point of a fist or a knife or a gun – or mere words – from those they attack. They are discharging their pain into the easiest available flesh, and do not give a shit how far that pain spreads through both years and even families and generations. They want to feel better, and you need to let them take that from you, and they’re going to force you to do so for as long as they can control you. It is the core of every abusive act and relationship, as many of us well know.
And in stark contrast to the self-harmers, generally speaking, these bullies get such good immediate relief from that violent acting out that they never find any good reason to stop, or to look within, or to take personal responsibility for actual choices (blaming mental illness for all of it when called to account even if that’s not true) or to do anything but put on superficial and temporary changes, so it just goes on. Their lies bring shame to all the people for whom mental illness really IS the reason they sometimes hurt others, and for whom actual mental illness robs them of real choice. Again, NOT all bullies and abusers and rapists and those who act out. But many. And having spent a good portion of my own young years at the point of this behavior, I am not inclined to repeat it in my later years so I avoid the hell out of such people.
Look at the guy in this article: he explains he was having a bad day. He wanted to have a better one. For the briefest moment, that judge was on the physical receiving end of his fiery rage about being brought to responsibility for his prior acts, and he DID have a better day. For about fifteen seconds. And then it probably got a LOT shittier for him. But note that he also managed to target the source of his anger very precisely, not attacking anyone else including himself, and delivered back to the judge the unwanted unpleasantness she was “making” him feel by holding him accountable. And he was there precisely because he had demonstrated this same exact ability before, with others who had angered him. There’s a whole lot of precision in those repeated acts for someone who may be claiming they don’t have any choice in their violent actions at all.
Again, I am speaking solely for myself, and there are many exceptions to everything I just wrote, like TBI. But as a general rule, that’s how I have seen it work, and for every mental illness that can be named, there are countless with the same disorder who manage to NOT hurt others at all. We have the ability to heal ourselves; I know this because I have done it and will have to continue doing it for the rest of my life. But I was never one to outsource any of it through violence onto others, so I not only paid the price of self-harm, but reaped the reward of its inward focus.
Bullies and rapists and abusers change for a while. Some even change permanently. But it’s a whole different story, and it all comes down to taking their own “healing” (feeling better) from someone else at the point of a violent interaction. Fuck that.
TBI, lead exposure, malnutrition… gotta try to be kind.
Interesting we have more sympathy for those who impulsively, say, eat non-food items, versus lash out violently.
Something I don’t know: is there any reason to be more sympathetic to someone who self harms (say cuts themselves) than someone who harms others as a result of mental illness?
We say “died by suicide” instead of “committed suicide” to speak closer to the reality of a situation, to acknowledge how awful it is when pain exceeds resources available for coping with that pain. We necessarily view murder as abhorrent, and I won’t defend murderers at large, but I question if some percentage of those who kill were mentally ill to the point they deserve exactly equal sympathy to others who were just as ill but whose illness manifested without violence.
Speaking solely for myself, yes, absolutely. The harm is horrible either way, but the person punching down on themselves is also paying the full penalty for that violent acting out, both at the time they do it and cumulatively. To me, they deserve a large measure of respect and yes, sympathy, for not outsourcing pain they cannot manage any other way than self-harm to either loved ones or strangers who very likely had nothing to do with the origin of their agony at all.
I will walk a long mile to help someone who is self-harming out of that hole, especially when it is a situation of having too much anger and rage and grief and betrayal to process and the perps who caused it are long gone. Not all, but many of these hurting souls are people of deep principle, who do NOT want to hurt anyone, and would be horrified by the thought of hurting someone else the way they hurt themselves, even doing everything they can to keep it hidden so that no one else has to partake of any portion of that. Again, NOT all. But many. And I have nothing but sincere respect for that. These are also the ones most likely to find the healing they seek if they don’t give up, because the answers and the cure always lie within us and these folks are already inwardly focused, so there’s at least a tiny silver lining to that choice.
But people who outsource their emotions onto others through violence, especially sexual violence, are literally trying to rob their own healing at the point of a fist or a knife or a gun – or mere words – from those they attack. They are discharging their pain into the easiest available flesh, and do not give a shit how far that pain spreads through both years and even families and generations. They want to feel better, and you need to let them take that from you, and they’re going to force you to do so for as long as they can control you. It is the core of every abusive act and relationship, as many of us well know.
And in stark contrast to the self-harmers, generally speaking, these bullies get such good immediate relief from that violent acting out that they never find any good reason to stop, or to look within, or to take personal responsibility for actual choices (blaming mental illness for all of it when called to account even if that’s not true) or to do anything but put on superficial and temporary changes, so it just goes on. Their lies bring shame to all the people for whom mental illness really IS the reason they sometimes hurt others, and for whom actual mental illness robs them of real choice. Again, NOT all bullies and abusers and rapists and those who act out. But many. And having spent a good portion of my own young years at the point of this behavior, I am not inclined to repeat it in my later years so I avoid the hell out of such people.
Look at the guy in this article: he explains he was having a bad day. He wanted to have a better one. For the briefest moment, that judge was on the physical receiving end of his fiery rage about being brought to responsibility for his prior acts, and he DID have a better day. For about fifteen seconds. And then it probably got a LOT shittier for him. But note that he also managed to target the source of his anger very precisely, not attacking anyone else including himself, and delivered back to the judge the unwanted unpleasantness she was “making” him feel by holding him accountable. And he was there precisely because he had demonstrated this same exact ability before, with others who had angered him. There’s a whole lot of precision in those repeated acts for someone who may be claiming they don’t have any choice in their violent actions at all.
Again, I am speaking solely for myself, and there are many exceptions to everything I just wrote, like TBI. But as a general rule, that’s how I have seen it work, and for every mental illness that can be named, there are countless with the same disorder who manage to NOT hurt others at all. We have the ability to heal ourselves; I know this because I have done it and will have to continue doing it for the rest of my life. But I was never one to outsource any of it through violence onto others, so I not only paid the price of self-harm, but reaped the reward of its inward focus.
Bullies and rapists and abusers change for a while. Some even change permanently. But it’s a whole different story, and it all comes down to taking their own “healing” (feeling better) from someone else at the point of a violent interaction. Fuck that.