I’m in my 20’s and I consider myself a complete ignorant, in the sense that whenever I make a decision I always think “What would the future me do if I had more experience/knowledge?”
So taking advantage of this space in Lemmy, what lesson that you had to learn by force or that you learned by experience that when you were younger you didn’t see you would teach your younger self?
And I mean lessons like: I must learn to love others, or I am worth more than I think I am.
That mental health and having friends is more important than being in a relationship with someone.
I learned it the hard way as I willingly stayed in a toxic relationship way longer than I should have. I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn’t find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know…sex…
It was a huge relief when it ended and I cursed myself for not breaking up earlier.
I was afraid to be alone, I was afraid I couldn’t find anyone else and I was ignoring red flags, because you know…sex…
Another thing I would tell my younger self is that how much sex you have isn’t a measure of how successful a relationship is. It’s important to have a functional relationship outside of sex, especially if you want your romantic relationship to last a lifetime. There will be a point for all of us where physical health will preclude a normal sex life, so you best be comfortable with that before it happens.
What matters is they care for you, you care for them, and you both having matching values. Anything past that is just a bonus.
I am sorry you had to go through that. Interestingly, I’m almost the reverse. I had a group of friends I thought I was close with. Started dating a girl, everyone got along. When I proposed to her the friends all felt that I betrayed my then-roommate friend, and they all bailed on our friendships. I tried to explain how I felt, I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.
They took, spouting all kinds of hurtful things to me and my girlfriend like how we’d never last and how she was my “trophy”. Years later we’re still together, happy, and (mostly) healthy. While at least one of them has been divorced (only mentioning that to point out the irony).
So I ended up losing a whole group of friends in exchange for my wife, who is my best friend. As much as that time hurt, if I had to do it again I would never choose them over her.
The importance of all types of maintenance, including cleaning.
When you take care of things right, they can last forever. I have clothing from 15+ years ago due to proper washing, storage, and a little sewing.
I genuinely didn’t understand or care until my late twenties. That was a lot of wasted time and broken things that I could have salvaged.
Whether its cars, computers, your home, or whatever else: regular cleaning and maintenance on a tight schedule is key to preventing interruptions and lost time.
Starting with good quality is important. No amount of maintenance will keep poor quality products good forever. Certainly, negligence can ruin good quality things, but poor quality will degrade with regular use.
That said, 1 pair of good boots is cheaper than 10 pairs of bad ones.
Oof, the list of hard-earned lessons is long. These two stand out the most:
- Deliberately choose and cultivate your relationships. Close friendships and family relationships can be massively beneficial throughout your life.
- Money comes and goes, but time only goes. Don’t waste time at a job you hate. Actually, don’t waste time in general.
Actually, don’t waste time in general.
Or perhaps don’t waste time without purpose? Also, it depends on what one considers a “waste of time.” A hiking picnic in an idyllic meadow may be worth the time and effort to some, but perhaps not to others. I personally prioritize time with friends and family over other pursuits simply because some of the top complaints people have on their death beds are “worked too much” and “didnt spend enough time with friends/family.” However, society doesn’t necessarily reward us for prioritizing those, either.
Anyway, as long as you get value out of what you are doing, it is not time wasted.
Agree 100%
Invest a portion of your savings. Inflation is inevitable and letting your money sit in a regular savings account just means you get poorer every year. I regret not doing it earlier and only started in my mid 30s.
Also, take care of your teeth.
Take some time every now and then to consider why you’re doing the things you’re doing. You may do them out of fear, shame, perceived obligation, to avoid doing something else, because your parents want you to, etc. Or you may do them because they genuinely bring you job, help you in some way or make the world a better place… Anyway, we people are weird creatures. We get stuck in situations, relationships, obligations, bad habits, destructive patterns without realizing what’s happening. Try to stay aware, honest to yourself (and others) and keep learning :)
Emotions aren’t a weakness, and suppressing them isn’t strong but stupid. I felt so much “better” than other people because I was “rational” and “logical” while they where irrational because of their emotions. Turns out, as it often does when people feel better than others, that I was the one who was thinking the wrong way. I’m so happy that younger me never heard of people like Jordan Peterson or that “facts don’t care about your feelings” guy because I would’ve turned out a completely different person.
I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to internalize it when I was younger, but I would really like my younger self to understand that diligence is one of the most important skills a person can have. Being able to plug away at the boring stuff will get you much further in life than being good at the novel stuff.
I thought I was introverted.
Then I spent 4 months in Antarctica for work, and holy shit. No. I’m not introverted. I need my friends and family around me at all times.
You can still be introverted and need those close to you.
You would most likely prefer smaller groups to crowds, maybe self reflect and retreat into your own mind more than others, probably think before you act. You would also most likely feel tired after being in a crowd, feel comfortable being alone(doesn’t mean 4months alone would be ok), and have few friendships but you are very close with those friends.
I am an introvert but I still need my partner, my family and my friends. I just don’t need them that often and I am fine being on my own but I would definitely prefer to be with them than without them. That is why we chose them, right? Because we enjoy their company.
If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of work? That sounds interesting.
that being good at your job doesn’t define you. it’s not a “trait”, it’s not a label. sometimes you’re good, sometimes you’re bad and sometimes you just are.
it’s just a job after all and a job should never be more than that: just a job
Wear hearing protection when you do anything loud. Mowing your lawn, going to concerts, working in a factory. PROTECT YOUR EARS. Once you have hearing loss, you can’t get it back.
I’m barely over 40 and I get to get fit for hearing aids in a few weeks. Those will cost me around $4k. Insurance won’t cover all of it because apparently hearing is a luxury that people don’t need. It also may or may not help solve the tinnitus problem I’ve had for a while now, which is slowly driving me insane.
That a general feeling of peace cannot be attained by controlling your environment, only by adjusting to it.
Take the time to develop more understanding, and therefore empathy for yourself and others. You’ll never truly do anything worthwhile without empathy.
Learn how to meditate ASAP. Magic is real and meditation is the doorway to it.
You are autistic. Go look it up, read what it is, get diagnosed.
You need to get on anti-depressants because all your problems were solved when you got your ass level.
all your problems were solved when you got your ass level
LOL that’s ridiculous
In what way?
The idea that there is an end to problems.
Sounds like you need anti-depressants. 🥰
Glad I could help you.
QED
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