I’m quite young, but personally—I spent most of my childhood thinking a crush was just “friendship I’m embarrassed to want to continue,” so I avoided befriending girls I had “crushes” on just because I thought me doing so would be creepy or clingy. Later on, in high school, I didn’t like that I hardly had friends who weren’t guys, so I was happy to befriend someone who wasn’t, who I’ll call Z, even though being around them made me generally anxious.

When I found out about myself being aro (and ace), it lead to me gaining a furthered interest in LGBTQ politics and being less ashamed in trying to advocate for myself in platonic relationships.

Z also figured out that they were aroace, and we quickly and mostly-accidentally entered an intimate platonic relationship. Which… was a big mistake! I was under the impression that our aroace compatibility made us immune to having a bad relationship, but I ended up really liking their touch and acceptance, and not really liking being around them otherwise. Z wasn’t a bad person, so I didn’t really have a reason to be anxious around them, so I thought it might just go away if I tried hard enough. It didn’t. Just a pretty big personality conflict. Cue several months of feeling bad whenever we did anything non-cuddling, and feeling guilty that I felt bad during those times—which ended up being a lot, because Z stopped enjoying cuddling. I’m grateful to them, though, for being willing to talk to me about it, even if it took us a while to figure out what was wrong.

Since then, I’ve found other cuddle buddies that I feel much more secure around. And it’s still weird and surreal to see people in my friend groups having romantic desires, and dating people. Every time it happens I want to quiz them and be like “are you sure you’re not secretly aromantic and you just haven’t realized??” :P

It’s also probably why I like Lemon Demon and Tally Hall and Will Wood instead of, like, normal music that normal people listen to.

  • Retronautickz@beehaw.org
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    1 year ago

    romo aro/cupioro here

    I’ve been in romantic-ish (romantic, queerromantic, appromour, etc) relationships, and I enjoy them quite a lot, something I know it’s uncommon within the aro community. I not sure if I ever felt your typical romantic attraction, but I’ve felt something close to it (queerromantic) and something completely separated and distinct from both romantic and platonic attraction (like exteramo).

    I also enjoy romantic media, although I’m too demi (queerromantic/exteramo) for love at first sight stories lol

    What I have trouble with (because I feel rejection towards these type of bonds and relationships, especially if they’re been applied to me) is platonic and queerplatonic relationships. I never had the impulse to form and maintain friendships, nor I ever understood the need or usefulness of them.