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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Optimal-Contract700 on 2023-07-19 11:44:55.

My brother, Caleb, has his birthday in a few days. Caleb is the thirdest oldest in my family, counting half siblings, I am the ninth. Growing up, our tyrannical father left when we were young, and my mom was barely able to keep a roof over our heads. Apparently, many times before the incident I’m about to explain she “forgot” Caleb, but I don’t remember any of those and some of my other siblings deny that and have specific memories that show the opposite.

When I was 15 our house burnt down and Caleb moved in with his girlfriend (now wife). A few months later was his birthday, and our mom forgot to call him (keep in mind he abandoned our family and didn’t help her with bills at all from his job like my other siblings were). She was literally living in her oldest child’s basement while taking care of six underage children. My SIL, Theresa, has never let her forget it.

I didn’t even know this was happening until last year, but for the past decade, Theresa has unfailingly texted my mom a few days beforehand to remind her of Caleb’s birthday. Every time this brings my mom so much heartbreak and feelings of guilt, and brings her back to extremely traumatic and triggering times in her life. I only found out last year because she got the text when I was with her and she started crying.

Once again this year I was with her when she got the text. She literally started sobbing and apologizing to me, asking if she was truly such a terrible mom, etc. I of course told her no, she was an amazing mom to me. I felt like this has gotten ridiculous. Then I got on my phone and called Theresa and told her she needs to stop doing this. Theresa got mad at me and started saying my mom was x,y,z and she was trying to keep Caleb from being hurt. I asked her to explain to me one way Caleb had been hurt recently and she kept saying there were things that were none of my business. There was only one example she gave of a childhood neighbor dying and my mom not telling him, which was a lie because my mom had forwarded him all the church emails. He also hadn’t talked to this person in years.

Well then today I go over to Caleb’s house to pick up some stuff and he makes a big deal saying that I was mean to Theresa and that I can’t come around for a while. I explained the situation and how upset mom was and he said it didn’t matter. This really hurts me because I use their house to get internet in order to do my college work which will be starting soon. So now he’s punishing me for Theresas allegations about my mom. I would also point out Theresa has never given my mom a chance to prove she remembers, so it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

AITA?