Lately, whenever I am not working, I feel tired all the time and unmotivated to do anything. Even things I like doing. I almost have to force myself to do these things. It’s quite difficult. I don’t even know if it’s a good idea. However, I want to get my life to a point where I am happy with how things are.
What can I do, when I still have to meet the demands of life? I’m honestly struggling a lot with getting normal daily chores and self-care tasks done. This has in part, been going on for some months now. I was previously in a job that was quite unfulfilling. Even now, I don’t like what I’m doing but it is a little better. I have an idea on what I want to do in the future. But it will require a year or two, to reach properly.
In the meantime, I have to attempt to self-regulate, which is really difficult. While taking on some new challenges at the same time. Not to mention, social demands as well. I want time off from work for awhile, but I can’t take it off. I will be getting time off a bit into next year. For now, I just have to put up with the demands I have to reach. Living independently has a degree of strain to it. But it’s better than living with my parents.
Has anyone got any ideas on how I can manage this? I don’t know how I’m going to manage my way through these things. I’m honestly dreading it.
This does sound like burnout, especially if lately is more than a couple of weeks. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But I’d absolutely recommend against pushing yourself. As I’ve painfully learned, none of this will get better by doing more, but by doing less, and you have to learn how to do less because it’s hard.
And you need help, some mental health professional that knows how to work with autistic patients. If not, there’s a risk people will give you productivity advice and this can be counterproductive and dangerous.
You might need meds. I did.
I pushed myself through several burn outs until my brain stopped working (I couldn’t think, my place could be burning and I wouldn’t have even tried to escape. My brain didn’t work). If it wasn’t for my partner I could have died.
But this happened at the end of many “small” burnouts that I pushed through. Each burnout made the next one worse.
The reason I pushed through was because like you, it felt like I was not able to stop without losing too much. For me, this ended up with long term consequences.
I would absolutely recommend finding a way to slow down, even if it costs. If you burn out completely your brain will simply force you to slow down. This cost is higher than you can imagine. Achieving my goals has definitely taken longer than if I had found a way to slow down by myself.
If you absolutely are unable to slow down at work (for example if you live in a country without sick leave where you can get fired anytime and your parents are truly awful), then you need to do less on your spare time. No productivity, no forcing yourself through hobbies, no trying to regulate or mask.
Do anything that takes no effort or expectations. Don’t try to regulate your time off, take naps as needed. Exercise is good, but you have to do it without goals or strict schedules. Keep yourself hydrated and fed. Take all the help if available, even if it feels temporarily less independent.
It feels like giving up, you’ll get FOMO, you’ll feel isolated and less independent, it sucks. You’ll wonder why it’s not getting better faster. But if your brain can recover a little, you will start slowly gravitating to some of the things you like. Even then, take it slowly and without expectations.
Thanks for your comment. I have had a burnout recently. Thought I was recovering. Then I started feeling like this again. I worked a job that took a lot out of me for a long time that I couldn’t sustain anymore. In order to get out of it, I worked two jobs at once. Now I only work one job. But after I transitioned into the new job, I found myself feeling demanded of, because I had to get used to how a lot of things worked. The change was very difficult to adjust to. So I haven’t stopped.
I have also been struggling to keep up with self-care and house chores for months. It’s not great. But honestly, I never found those things easy, especially when having to work in a job that just pays the bills, but offers no fulfillment. I’ve been considering getting accommodations or some kind of assistance with living independly. But I’m still waiting to get diagnosed for ASD. The final appointment won’t be till early April next year.
I really resonated with a lot of what you said. I have not hit the extreme that you went through, but it makes me have to reconsider things. For now, other than taking a lot of time to rest, and talking to a therapist who has dealt with autistic people, I don’t know if there is more I can get right now.
Like you said, I don’t know how to rest. Especially because, I feel like I need to keep going to move to a more fulfilling job, and something that is sustainable for me. Something that will open up things. I have a clear picture of what that is, but it is difficult to rest when I feel like if I do, I will be stuck.
This human really knows what she/he is talking about. Listen to his advice; it’s exactly the same for me. Good advice.
Agreed. This is all excellent advice!