I feel like I have been deteriorating for months. I haven’t wanted to do anything and talk to anyone. Even playing video games feels like more work than I’m willing to do. I don’t want to leave bed and just want to sleep permanently.

I’m lucky that I work from home and have a slow enough job that I can regularly shirk responsibility without anyone noticing. I’m also lucky that I still live with my parents and have some people around. But I can’t keep living like this. Despite having a full time job, I’m living like a NEET.

I’m already seeing a therapist and getting medication from a shrink. That doesn’t seem to be making a difference. Between support from professionals and family members and professionals, I’m getting more than enough help for most people to get back on their feet. Yet for some reason it’s not enough for me.

I can only conclude at this point that the reason I’m continuing to get worse is that I refuse to take personal responsibility. I know “personal responsibility” isn’t enough in most cases where systemic issues keep people down, but I’m ridiculously privileged, as in “has never faced anything resembling real hardship” privileged. The system is set up for shits like me to do well and I still can’t pick myself up. It doesn’t help that I have less self discipline than a teenage twitter anarchist who wants to abolish bedtime.

How do I get myself to stop being so lazy and do something? I’m tired of being little more than a parasitic slug.