I was filled with self hatred to the point where I just decided to kill myself. I drove 3 hours outside of my home, checked into a hotel and swallowed about 200 aspirin.

God brought me through that, having your stomach pumped is not fun.

I was trying to pick up the pieces of my life and was working as a Pizza delivery driver. I got mugged. They hit me from behind so hard that paramedics were astonished that I wasn’t dead.

The muggers ran forward said some crap and it was lights out. All I remember was this darkness that terrified me. When I came to I didn’t hate myself anymore. There are other acts of kindness and mercy that happened during that time that contributed to my freedom from self hatred, but God lifted a large part of that off of me. I have never struggled with it since.

Now when I pray for change I am always mindful to ask God to change me gently.

I still have difficulties from the mugging, it really messed me up. With a few simple precautions most people wouldn’t notice them. I don’t mind them at all. Even with the things I have to endure (minor as they are) I am free from self hatred.