I suddenly realized everyone has opinions about you. I suddenly became incredibly self conscious about the way I looked, what I said, and what sort of friends I had. At the same time, I really couldn’t read people at all.
I stopped being able to talk to people, which further disconnected me from others. I was also sort of ostracized from this group I grew up with because they started to notice that I was weird and not as conventionally good looking.
Also…as everyone started to grow up around me, they started becoming interested in dating. People would occasionally ask me if I though X person or Y person was attractive. I was just confused by the whole thing and never understood what they were talking about. As I grew older, I began to understand what they meant, but I could never experience and feel what they feel. I’m not a late bloomer. I’m almost 30 and I’m still this way. I remember stumbling across the asexual community years back as an older teen and I still didn’t identify with them either. Most of them to still have sexual urges and/or the ability to feel sexual pleasure. I’m the odd man out in even the asexual community.
I think something odd happened when my brain was developing that made me who I am. I’m not 100% sure why it happened, but it makes me different from others that can at times be very isolating and lonely. I know everyone has their struggles, and so humans are all similar on that front. But lacking certain key feelings that 99.999% of humans feel can sometimes make you feel like an alien.
I’m doing pretty well for myself otherwise though. I have a decent job and am able to support myself just fine. I adore most of my coworkers and really appreciate them in my life. They are the kind that makes anyone feel welcome, even an awkward weirdo like me. I’m far happier now than I was growing up in middle school and high school. It’s just those occasional moments in time where I look at everything and realize that I can’t be like the conventional human being. So it can be a bit depressing at times.
Around puberty. Somewhere around 12-13ish maybe.
I suddenly realized everyone has opinions about you. I suddenly became incredibly self conscious about the way I looked, what I said, and what sort of friends I had. At the same time, I really couldn’t read people at all.
I stopped being able to talk to people, which further disconnected me from others. I was also sort of ostracized from this group I grew up with because they started to notice that I was weird and not as conventionally good looking.
Also…as everyone started to grow up around me, they started becoming interested in dating. People would occasionally ask me if I though X person or Y person was attractive. I was just confused by the whole thing and never understood what they were talking about. As I grew older, I began to understand what they meant, but I could never experience and feel what they feel. I’m not a late bloomer. I’m almost 30 and I’m still this way. I remember stumbling across the asexual community years back as an older teen and I still didn’t identify with them either. Most of them to still have sexual urges and/or the ability to feel sexual pleasure. I’m the odd man out in even the asexual community.
I think something odd happened when my brain was developing that made me who I am. I’m not 100% sure why it happened, but it makes me different from others that can at times be very isolating and lonely. I know everyone has their struggles, and so humans are all similar on that front. But lacking certain key feelings that 99.999% of humans feel can sometimes make you feel like an alien.
I’m doing pretty well for myself otherwise though. I have a decent job and am able to support myself just fine. I adore most of my coworkers and really appreciate them in my life. They are the kind that makes anyone feel welcome, even an awkward weirdo like me. I’m far happier now than I was growing up in middle school and high school. It’s just those occasional moments in time where I look at everything and realize that I can’t be like the conventional human being. So it can be a bit depressing at times.