I’m a man in my 40’s, moved to a new area and trying to make friends. A guy I’ve had lunch with a couple of times and we’ve connected pretty well. I’m not getting disinterested vibes when we’re actually at lunch. However, I’ve invited him to lunch 3 times recently, once each month, and he’s not responded. He’s responded to other texts. “Hey, I’m going to event XYZ, any advice” and he’d reply. I’ve run into him at the grocery store twice in that time period and he’s been genial. He’s never offered/initiated lunch or anything, but that’s not new. (No one ever asks me to do things, I’m The Organizer.) I’m getting really, really mixed signals.
How many more times do you try in a situation like this before you “take the hint” and stop?
My gut reaction (that others seem to share) is that the activity might be the problem. I always hate giving up my lunch during the workweek, because it’s my only alone time to unwind during the day.
Try a different activity (group activities can be less intimidating for sure, like “hey I’m meeting a few friends at a park Saturday if you feel like swinging by” because then there’s less pressure on them specifically). Maybe a walk or something on Sunday mornings, or ask him about his hobbies specifically? You can also just communicate via phone and still be friends. Maybe he’s still just working up to the point where he feels comfortable hanging out socially frequently.
Good luck!