I’m a man in my 40’s, moved to a new area and trying to make friends. A guy I’ve had lunch with a couple of times and we’ve connected pretty well. I’m not getting disinterested vibes when we’re actually at lunch. However, I’ve invited him to lunch 3 times recently, once each month, and he’s not responded. He’s responded to other texts. “Hey, I’m going to event XYZ, any advice” and he’d reply. I’ve run into him at the grocery store twice in that time period and he’s been genial. He’s never offered/initiated lunch or anything, but that’s not new. (No one ever asks me to do things, I’m The Organizer.) I’m getting really, really mixed signals.

How many more times do you try in a situation like this before you “take the hint” and stop?

  • kikutwo@lemmy.world
    141·
    3 months ago

    Maybe he thinks you want to get him in the sack? I’d be more clear about the wanting to grow a friend group and see if that does anything.

    • themeatbridge@lemmy.world
      18·
      3 months ago

      Yeah, making guy friends is hard at this age, because it’s considered weird or needy to show interest in another man. That’s why it helps to have a shared interest or hobby. Some men feel uncomfortable “going to lunch” or “going for coffee” without an agenda, because it feels like a date. It’s much less awkward to “go out for a beer” or “go watch the game” because those are socially acceptable man dates.

    • GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.eeOPEnglish
      6·
      3 months ago

      Maybe he thinks you want to get him in the sack

      lol what? We’re both married with kids. This isn’t anywhere on my radar.

      • NoneYa@lemm.ee
        3·
        3 months ago

        I mean that doesn’t make any difference for some guys lol. He might think you’re on the down low. I was thinking the same as I read your post that I’d feel that way if I was this guy in the story. If I had a guy ask me out to lunch a few times, I’d probably think he was interested in more than friends even if we are both married with kids.

        It’s kind of stupid, I know, because women do this without any issue. But guys are different for some reason.

        My friend of 15 years, I haven’t seen him in a while since I moved away and I told him I’d like to come down and get lunch/dinner with him and he kind of shrugged me off and I think for similar reasons. Not that he thinks I’m looking for that, but it’s just not something most guys do unless you’re getting together with a group and going to watch a sports game at the restaurant/bar or something similar.

        Is it possible to instead have him come over to the house and hang out there or go to his house to hang out there? Something that will actually be fun like playing video games or watching a sports game or something similar?