I don’t think I’m autistic but I scored high on the social portion of the RAADS test. I was always an awkward kid but I always went out of my way to expose myself to social situations, eventually with practice and a lot of trial and error you can even become charismatic.
Similarly with depression:
Instructions of how to be happy is distributed to every one
People with depression: “Oh fuck where did it go?”
Step 1: Don’t have a chemical imbalance
It seems trite, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People sounds like it would be such an instruction manual, and it basically is. It’s not replacement for just getting out there and practicing, but it can get you to the point where you’re relatively comfortable going out and getting that practice.
A much more useful book (intended as a management tool but good for a general life instruction manual) is How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People by Jonar C. Nader.
I’m doing the best I can copying people, but it’s just not right(I think).
This is kind of trite advice but when I see comments like this I get a little sad:
Find your tribe. Be with the people who like you for who you actually are, you shouldn’t have to put on a mask to see your friends. This is life advice for everyone, not just people with autism.
That’s definitely harder for some interests like if your dreams are to be a socialite or a star on [your favorite sports team]. But for most things, there’s no shortage of communities that will love you for who you are.
The things you think are your negative personality traits are probably neutral at worst. Those “quirks” you worry about are often about as strange as an accent.
Unless the trait your trying to hide is mean or violent, good people are not phased. Be yourself. Find your good people.
Pro tip: often the good people are the unassuming ones. The anti-socialites so to speak. The ones a little too weird and keeping to a quiet spot. Like you. Find one, ask them what they like.
Yes. I don’t have autism but I get along with everyone who isn’t a dick.
Find someone who is quiet (but not brooding) and you just might make a friend
Find your good people.
❤️
If you’re going to copy people, make sure you copy healthy people. Some people are not worth copying.
Once you find good people, copying is unnecessary, because they will accept you as you are. Took me 20 years to learn that.
Honestly, it feels more like an instinct others have, on how to socialise with people, which we do not have. It’s incredibly frustrating at times.
Even then… Was sitting in a room with 6-7 people and someone remarked I was the only one without a device in my hands.
That is what my ”research" indicated, no phones to be open to conversation, I’d much prefer quiet phone time. :) Somehow always on the wrong side
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